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Sex and Sexuality Forum Discuss sex, sex tips, and teen sexuality here.

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Old 17-02-17, 03:50 AM   #1
 
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Default Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

I feel sad and discouraged. I couldn't have normal sex with my now ex.

The problem? Well it was me. I couldn't sustain an erection. I made a big deal out of it. We didn't talk about it. She tried to comfort, i didnt listen. I shut off, and sex didnt continue(how stupid and selfish from me) I felt unmanly and eventually after some tries she felt it was her, i didnt told her she wasnt. We were both in our heads full of worries, not discussing it or sex at all. I acted very frustrated and humiliated. Sex discussion was a taboo and a awkward thing. It were my first times, so i should have expected these things to happen. But i didnt. Firstly, no one had ever told me that first times might go this way, i was dislusional. Second, my friends never mentioned their "bad" experiences, so i never told anyone, because of fear of embarrasament. Also not to my mom or anyone, the same reason. I worried about my dick size, because of porn and society and other things, which contributed to my anxiety. I gave myself huge expectations. We didnt talk sex during sex. I was a compulsive porn watcher/addict. We didnt tried many times. Maybe I rushed with sex(after being together for 1,5 weeks) and not talking about before hand. Maybe I wasnt comfortable, i had self-image issues about my penis. I felt hugely anxious when sex might have been coming. I didnt go in with confidence, i didnt consider it with confidence. The worst part, is i masturbated and watched porn instead, without her knowing. Also not talking about it or sex overall was the second. She tried to be calm and supportive, but my reactions and behavior, made her also insecure. But she was a pretty girl. We didnt manage to have PIV, only oral. The sex we had was rushed, trying to penetrate before my erection faded. I know we should have taken time with it, because we had no rush actually. She also felt tensed and her vagina tensed up aswell. We didnt managed to try more and more because i have limited living conditions with few privacy. Also anxiety, kept me from doing often as i made excuses to myself that we have no privacy or whatever. All bad and stupid behaviors. Maybe i took sex too seriously in that state...

But i was obnoxious and stupid. My friends managed to get through their troubles, because well they didnt make a big deal out of it, like i did. I just feel inadequate and stupid for how i was, like i was living under a rock, without common sense about it. Maybe i took the problem too personal, maybe i have PIED and desensitization. I acted so dramatically and she felt it too. Sex was stressful and intimacy suffered because of it. I had shitty coping mechanisms. The wrong ones. Anyway now i am all by myself, looking her at school and feeling like shit everytime i see her. She has moved on, i havent. Sex was one of the reasons probably why we broke up, because it cremaybe.Just disastrous memories... Feel like an idiot and a failure

What to do? I dont know how to move on with myself and i feel just shit, because she was an attractive and things would have definetly been much better If would have been more patient, laidback and calm about it and educated myself. Now im depressed, guilty and regretful. I beat myself up because of it. Only my few close friends knows about it, all else think i managed to do it. I feel embarrased and fucking shameful about it. I really hate myself and i feel so shit over it. Like, why me? Did it have to be like it was? Now i obsessively read about sex and educate myself on sex, without feeling relaxed. Like im trying to make up for lost time or something. But i know that is not the point. What should I do the next relationship? Maybe right now, Im also too obsessed and worried? The first right now, is getting rid of porn once for all. I have learned so much about sex and about relationships overall, so maybe that is one positive experience about it. It opened my eyes... Anyway any advice or anything to make the most out of it?

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Old 17-02-17, 05:06 AM   #2
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

Literally everyone has had a bad sexual experience in their lifetimes, absolutely nobody has perfect sex every time. In your instance you need to make sure the next time you have sex, whether it's with this girl or someone else that you don't rush it, take the time to enjoy it because if you do then you'll be more relaxed and so will the girl and as a result things will go more smoothly.

The most important thing for you is not to put sex on some kind of pedestal as this really complicated and stressful thing because it isn't and once you figure what works best for you then you won't experience any of the issues and anxieties that you have now.

As for porn it's natural for most teenagers that watch it but if it's affecting you so much then trying to watch less or cutting it out all together maybe a sensible thing. Very few guys have these 8 or 9inch penis' that you see in these movies and girls aren't expecting you to have a penis as long as your arm. As long as you learn how to use what you have that's the most important thing. Porn is in no way an accurate representation of what real sex is like and you'll come to realise that.

You learn all these things by experiencing them so the more you go through in life whether it's sex or relationships you'll be learning new things all the time. Just don't put all this pressure on yourself, that's a very important thing here.









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Old 17-02-17, 05:33 AM   #3
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

Happens to everyone. Most of the time it's from being nervous. Don't beat up on yourself!
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Old 17-02-17, 08:37 AM   #4
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

just tell her all the stuff you posted here.
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Old 17-02-17, 09:00 AM   #5
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

Your problem sounds psychosomatic. You need to get your head on straight before trying again. It's all about relaxing and just letting things happen. Don't think so much.
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Old 17-02-17, 03:18 PM   #6
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

Thanks for the advice.
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Old 17-02-17, 04:40 PM   #7
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

I feel lonely now, but yeah i Will keep my head high and next time be smarter.
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Old 17-02-17, 04:41 PM   #8
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

Yeah, thanks for the advice, i feel lonely right now, but i will keep my head high, move on and i have learned all from this and my mistakes and lessons.

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Old 17-02-17, 04:47 PM   #9
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

But to clarify im single, so i have to move on with someone new
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Old 19-02-17, 04:59 PM   #10
 
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Default Re: Need advice to move on...Feeling bad and depressed

new friend, new start ... good luck
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