Getting Social?

[Ms.Optimistic]

Ok, How do I explain this. First of all, I have literally no social life. I am like immune to anything that has to do with talking and getting to know people. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, AIM, I got nothing. Yeah, I have friends, I have acquaintances, so I'm not that pathetic. I just don't have the guts to actually get to know them. To be truthful, I'm surprised that I am actually posting this. That's just how shy I am. Sure, I could easily make a Twitter or Facebook but every time I try to do it I freak out and start all the way back the phase one. I know, I'm weird. But i can't help it. Ever since i was three and living with my grandparents "The Court" wouldn't allow me to go anywhere but to the school they chose for me and the home I live in. ( I could go shopping and such, just not to anyone's house that isn't a relative or a close friend of my grandparents) And when my grandparents finally had custody over me, (i was 9) I kind of stuck to the way I had to be when I was never allowed to go anywhere. Gee, who knew how that little amount of time could really screw the way I interact with people.

Now that I explained the problem, here are the questions. Do any of you have some tips that could help me (and anyone else with a problem like this) get a bit more social? Is there a strategy that I could know about? How do you deal with socialization? And last question, what would be a good way to start interacting with people on the internet and in the real world? Thanks for your help.

[Matty]

Just make a facebook and this time don't freak out haha, nobody cares what photos you upload onto facebook. Mine are either nights out, house parties, holidays or chillaxing somewhere with a mate/girlfriend. Just add your closer friends and then organise to do things like go swimming, go to the beach, go to the cinemas or whatever and then eventually start going along with them on nights out to town or wherever they go.

[Rinali]

I think getting an instant messenger would help you build a relationship with your friends, it would make it easier to talk to them as you wouldn't be face to face.

Why did the court say that you were not allowed anywhere?

In answer to your first question, you just need to gain some more self confidence. There's many ways you can do this, like:
- Asking your friends if they want to go out somewhere.
- You could act as though you were social. Often, when you act for a long period of time, you gain more and more confidence and begin to realise it's not actually that bad.

A good way to start interacting with people is just starting to talk to people. Start of small and build up from there, if you start of big you might get shy and not want to talk.

Hope I've helped.

[Miidget_Miss]

"Hi" is always a good place to start
Just make general chit chat. And if you worry about it then just think well lets be honest what is the worst that could happen?
Think of the positives of situations such as the possibilites to make new friends and to open up to people and have them open up to you.

[Ms.Optimistic]

@Polar: Well, it's a long story. I live with my grandparents because my mom had anger issues and wasn't capable of taking care of me and my brother. But then she starting saying rumors to the police that my grandparents were going to do horrible things to us and even though that was a lie, the police wanted to make that it wasn't true so the DCF, (short for the Department of Children and Family services) had to take over to make sure everything was under control. But when everything seemed to be alright for a couple of years, they backed off and let my grandparents have control over my brother and I. They used to still keep in touch, but now that my brother has turned eighteen and I'm near it they decided we didn't need them anymore. Not that we needed them in the first place, anyway. Hope that explained it all better. And also, the reason why I used "The Court" is because that was kind of their nickname for me and my brother. ^^

Anyways, thanks for all the tips and ideas everyone, I'll be sure to use it.

[Kirk]

Quote: Originally Posted by Ms.Optimistic

Ok, How do I explain this. First of all, I have literally no social life. I am like immune to anything that has to do with talking and getting to know people. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, AIM, I got nothing. Yeah, I have friends, I have acquaintances, so I'm not that pathetic. I just don't have the guts to actually get to know them. To be truthful, I'm surprised that I am actually posting this. That's just how shy I am. Sure, I could easily make a Twitter or Facebook but every time I try to do it I freak out and start all the way back the phase one...

I don't see how having Facebook etc could improve your social life. I have facebook and MSN, and I'm pretty much the same as you; my social life is practically non-existent.

I think you should express your feelings to a close friend. Maybe they'll listen and make more of an effort to talk to you?

[ThatsMyPie]

Quote: Originally Posted by SpiritSharD

I don't see how having Facebook etc could improve your social life. I have facebook and MSN, and I'm pretty much the same as you; my social life is practically non-existent.

I think you should express your feelings to a close friend. Maybe they'll listen and make more of an effort to talk to you?

I agree, Facebook and MSN do not help your social life if you don't have one to begin with. But, an option is to talk to someone in school. Maybe they'll be talking about something that sounds fun to you and join into the conversation. You'll get their names, and possibly become good friends with them.

There's all sorts of things you can do to get to know people. I can't really consider going to the Cinema one of them. Sorry to whoever posted first. The thing about the Cinema is, it's not a social activity. You go with friends, but you don't really get to know them. Go out to dinner or something. Ice Skating, Concerts, and just hanging out all work too.

[Brainiac]

omg ... compared to your nick you sound very depressed.
so ... why not getting social with sum folk at school, neighborhood or so ...

[Kaygen]

I myself am not very sociable and I think you should talk to people that have similar interests to you. By that i mean hobbies, music or similar personality. This will make it easier for you to start conversations with them.

Q. Do any of you have some tips that could help me (and anyone else with a problem like this) get a bit more social?

A. Use more open ended questions when starting a conversation. instead of using one word questions or answers ask more questions after they give you their answer. This will make you seem inquisitive and will allow them to give you more detailed answers. Example:

P1- Hello

P2 - Hey

P1. How are you? What you up to?

P2 - I'm fine thanks. Nothing much. You?

P1. Same just doing some work. What are your hobbies?

P2. Blah Blah etc...

So you get the point that it will drive the conversation further.


Q. Is there a strategy that I could know about? How do you deal with socialization?

A. My personal strategy was to talk to a set group of people who had similar interests to me and introducing myself to one person. After talking to that one person for a while, he/she may refer you to their friends. Then you can start talking to them. The key here is to be comfortable talking to one person first and then branch out when you see people.

After a while once you get to know them more, ask if they have any activities planned or suggest a place to meet outside the normal environment that you talk to them with. They would appreciate the offer and bring along their friends. This way you would not be left out as much.

Q. What would be a good way to start interacting with people on the internet and in the real world?

A. Internet: Go search on Google with your favorite topic or subject followed by the word forums. Then join one of these forums and talk on there for a while. Once you know the general topic branch out and join chat rooms for your age-range online. This will help you build up a reputation with your user name.

Real World: A good way would be to ask them for help regarding work or asking them what time it is etc.. This small question will lead you to say Thanks and ask them their name. This connection can either move forward or meet a dead end. But whats important is that you have tried and let them know you want to talk to people. Once people see you as a more confident and approachable person it will make it much easier for you to talk and socialize.

I hope my post was not too long. I just wanted to express my opinion on the matter of getting more social. I have been through this process before in my life and for me it took some time to get sociable. However you have to remember one small thing will in time lead to bigger and better things. Keep trying and be Positive.

[Alex]

I am very social. I never stop talking lulz

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I hate a lot of people at my school.