Really stuck with what to do...

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

Something happened last night which made me very scared and slightly desperate, not knowing what to do, so i thought maybe i could try and get an outside perspective from some people.
I'm 17 and last night i went out with three other friends and we all ended up a little worse for wear. One thing lead to another and my best friend started geting off with one of the guys we went with, which left me and the other guy alone, I was quite happy just dancing, but it turned out he had more on his mind than that.
At first it was just kssing, and although i completely regret elading him on like that, and really wish i hadnt let him, i could live with that. Im not one to go out and get drunk and im deffinately not one to get off with guys especially seeing as ive know this guy for a long time, so this was really unlike me, and in retrospect ive never regretted anything more. Anyway, it was when he started putting his hands up my bra and down my trousers and grabbing my hand and putting it in his crotch when I started to freak out. I kept telling him to stop, I really didnt want him doing any of that but, he had me pinned up against the wall and just wouldnt stop, as much as i told him to. This really freake dme out but the worst part is, when he didn't stop, i just let him do it and now i can't stop thinking about it without bursting into tears, I'm just so embarrassed.

I really don't know what to do, this is so unlike me, and I keep playing it over and over again in my head, and i just don't understand why he didn't stop, but the worst is the fact that I just let him. My best friend has been really supportive, but im not one to open my ehart out to people, so i didn't want to worry her by telling her how scared I was and I really don't want her worrying when it was my fault. This is so unlike me and now I can't stop thinking about it, all I can see and smell is him and I feel so disgusting, I just don't know what to do. I'm really sorry for writing all this here by im at such a loss, and im willing to try anything for some advice, please don;t think too badly of me.

Thank you.

[wantwater]

So you said at first you lead the guy on is that correct? However all that aside you asked him to stop and he should have listened to you. I know touching is bad and you will feel very i suppose dirty for alloying him but did any more than touching happen?

[Rogan]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Was he drunk too? If he was then that's probably why, if he's a good friend, why he didn't stop when you asked him to. Even if that is the case, it is still not an excuse for what he did. Neither is you kissing him. There's a big step between kissing him and what he went onto do so don't blame yourself for starting it because it's two different things.

I think you should tell someone what happened. Maybe someone in your friendship group who can then talk to him. He needs to know that what he did was wrong and at the very least, you deserve an apology. Now you can talk to him yourself if you just want to keep this between yourselves but I imagine speaking to him will be tough. Don't feel ashamed about what he did. You didn't want him to but he carried on. Don't be scared that telling someone will make them laugh at you or make fun of you. A true friend will stick up for you and make you feel better.

The thoughts in your head aren't going to go away immediately, but over time they'll fade and get forgotten. Telling someone or making sure he knows that what he did was wrong will help you let it out and move on from it. If you wanted to, you could talk to a counselor about what happened and I'm sure they'll be able to help you move one from what's happened.

Good luck.

P.S. Don't let this event put you off going out and having a good time. One bad experience shouldn't stop you having many more good experiences in the future.

[iMatthew]

Just Echoing Josh Really,

Keep Your Head Up And You'll Get Through It, And Lets Face It, A True Friend Would Come And Apologise Right Away. So, If You Can Talk To Someone, Even Him If You Feel You Can And Tell Them/Him How You Feel About The Whole Thing.

My Inbox Is Always Open

Matt

x

[Cassie]

Its what happens at partys lol but dont be embarrassed if anyone says anything just be like i dont sleep with guys that i am not seeing.

[.net]

Depends on how far he went if you can report rape or not...

[Johno]

I'm soo sorry to hear about that, that is absoluty disgusting on the guys behalf, you never ever treat a woman like that. A good freind would not do that to another good friend. Otherwise it simply proves they were'nt your friend to begin with and they were simply using you.

If he didnt apologise to him, you need to talk to someone about it and maybe it should be him.

I hope that this has helped you in a way and I apologise if it has come across too cold.

[7petalsunflare]

oh my god, i'm really sorry.
i don't think you should feel at all guilty. there was nothing wrong with kissing him, and that it went farther is totally his fault. and you didn't stop him, but you were scared, it's completely understandable that you might not have been able to compose your thought enough to shove him off. you should give him a chance to apologize before telling too many people about it, but even if he does you may never be able to have the same friendship with him.

just try you best not to think about it, and please don't blame yourself.