[Erin]

The title pretty much says a lot. I've about 50 pages in a journal trying to work stuff out, and I doubt a wall of text would be very useful to anyone, so here's an abridged version.

My mom's an alcoholic. She was sober for about 6 years.
She had an on-again-off-again relationship with our neighbor, who was still married. Oh yeah, and she and my dad were still married.
His wife found out and told my dad.
After the typical stuff, which I'm sure you can somehow imagine, they tell me they're not going to "work out" as a married couple.
Hearing this, I'm actually relieved because it had been obvious for about a year and a half. They didn't kiss when he came home from work anymore.
Blah blah blah fighting about money and the house and normal divorce-y stuff, Dad moves out.
Dad gets a girlfriend, who apparently he had a relationship with when I was still, like 5 or something.
Mom and I get along pretty well for awhile. Or actually, she becomes obsessive with the disproving all Jehovah's Witnesses(her boyfriend-not-boyfriend was one), I try to focus on my school work. She keeps breaking up and getting back together with this guy. It was ridiculous.
Very, very ridiculous.
And it hurt her.
Mom relapsed. I hid her purse and the (MY) car keys. The very same day she relapsed, my best friend ran away from home. I was worried sick about both of them all day.
A few days later, she says she's fine, she got it out of her system, she's going to meetings, she's got her priorities straight.
Next week the same damn thing happens along with a whole lot of other "stuff" that takes too long to type but basically winds up with my mother at a mental hospital under suicide watch.
Dad comes all the way from a business trip in Nevada and announces I'm going back with him. In the weekend. I had one day to tell everyone goodbye.
[[Ugg, this is taking WAY too long]]

• transferred schools
• it sucked
• house sucks
• no privacy
• sewage pipe broke
• it was disgusting
• old classmate died in his sleep
• I couldn't go to the funeral
• My brother got in a car accident
• he totaled my car
• his worst injury was a sunburn
• Spring Break! I go back to visit mom
• She gave away my cats knowing that I was coming
• Mom went to Vegas
• I'm informed my grandma's dying
• another friend gets in a car crash
• we go see grandma
• left her house today knowing that could very well be the last time I ever see her
• hooked up to an oxygen tank

• and unconscious

Meanwhile, I don't know what the hell to do. I'm deppressed all the time and hate my life, but then I think how lucky I am to even be alive and have air and feet and skin and food when so many other people in the world are suffering.
And I feel guilty too. Which makes me more deppressed.

No one will listen to me. They keep insisting that I'm "a big girl" and "strong" and "will be okay." I just want to hide under my bed and sleep and cry.

[iMatthew]

Erin,

I've read this twice now and can't really figure out a reply that would suit as I just feel so helpless. To be honest all I can say is that you seem like a lovely person and that you don't deserve this, what you could try doing is listening to some music and having some time alone to compose your thoughts. On the other hand you could try to get out and take up a hobby of some kind to try to take your mind off of things a little.

I'm just reeling things off of the top of my head and it's annoying.

Just you seem like a nice girl and all of this shouldn't be happening to you. Ergh, I feel so helpless :\.

Just PM me if you want to talk. (:

Matt

[Rogan]

I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you and I understand why people say you're a big girl and are strong and everything. Even though from the inside, it may seem like you're not coping, it's clear from this post that you are strong and are determined to keep going.

You say that you've written loads in a journal to try and work things out. Does that work for you? If it does, I think it will be important for you to keep doing that. Maybe you could make it into a daily thing, where you write down 3 good things about the day, 3 bad things, how you feel, what you're looking forward to tomorrow and set yourself a goal for the next day/week/month. It might help you take things one day at a time so it all becomes more manageable.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? Keeping yourself busy will distract you from everything that's happened/happening so that your mind can rest and you can unwind and relax. If you don't have anything, maybe you could take up something new that you think you will enjoy. Things like horse riding or swimming are popular and they help you get fit at the same time Even reading books will take your mind off things and help you escape when you need to.

I can't solve your problems, and there are some that you can't solve either but if you just take one day at a time, things will seem a lot more manageable and you'll come out on top.

[Rain]

Like the others said, you obviously don't deserve this.

You are obviously coping well, a lot better than most people would in your situation. You've made it this far, nothing can stop you from beating all of this. Focus on what you still have, that might work.

Good luck and I hope the best for you, your family and friends. PM me if you want. good luck.