[Meta]

Basically there is a girl at school who has loads of problems. She cuts herself, is probably anorexic and has had pretty dangerous obsessions with two teachers, one of whom's facebook she hacked and exgirlfriends she contacted.

She goes on all of these pro anorexia websites and creates 'thinspiration' videos and such like then posts them on her twitter. the most recent of these websites she joined recently and she has uploaded photos of her arms after she cut them with blood streaming down and the words 'prima donna' cut across her stomach with the caption 'my rs teacher told me i was a prima donna'. to make the whole situation worse, the people on this website are encouraging her and wishing that they 'could have cut as deep'.

it's awful and despite the fact none of us really like her, she considers a few of my friends to be her friends and invites them out and stuff. no-one knows what to do with the websites. the teachers at school already know about her cutting, is it really worth showing them new evidence. also, it could make the rs teacher feel so terrible for making her cut 'prima donna' across her stomach! we tried looking at the government website that you can report websites to, but it only seems to be interesting in illegal content like child pornography. the website itself is not actually a place for stuff like this, it is a place for people who are lonely to come together and feel better about themselves and discuss their situations, therefore shutting it down would be a stupid idea.

really, we have no idea what to do. the whole situation is horrendous and we know that even if we ignored the website and went and took away her blade, she would only react by stealing a craft knife from the art department or by smashing a plate.

Where are you supposed to go for things like this?

[Rogan]

I'm so sorry that you have to see what she's doing and it's really good that you want to help her even though you're not really friends with her. I think the best think you can do right now is tell your school. Don't go to the RS teacher though. They are too involved to deal with it professionally I think. A senior member of staff that is approachable would be ideal. Explain everything that you've said here to them and offer to show them the websites and her videos/pictures.

It's clear that she needs some sort of professional help but it's not your responsibility to find that for her. The school will know the right actions to take and the right people to talk to so if you are able to provide them with as much information as possible. Of course, you can still help her too by just being as friendly as you can towards and going with her when she invites you out. I know you might not necessarily enjoy it as much as if it was your best friends but it will make her feel a lot better and it's clear that you want to try and help her. If she's getting professional help and she's able to have a nice time with some friends, hopefully she'll start feeling better about herself.

Remember though that you have to think about yourself too. If you can't deal with the websites and the pictures and her emotions, then don't force yourself to. As much as you want to help her, there's only so much you can do and the worst thing that could happen is for you to get all caught up in as well. I really hope some of this helps.

DFTBA

[Meta]

Thank you so much for this. The thing is though, she actually hates me for no apparent reason, is already getting loads of professional help and the girl she considers her best friend, has finally had to stand back because she can't deal with all of her emotions any more. But telling the teachers should help I hope.

[Rogan]

OK. If she's refusing your help and support then there isn't a lot that you can personally do I'm afraid. And in a way, it's good that the best friend had to step back. It shows that she's thinking about herself at the same time and isn't getting caught up in what she can't deal with.

If she's already getting professional help, then I think it's important that they are told about what's been happening (she might have been hiding these things from her counsellor/therapist/psychologist etc.) Hopefully, school have the power and ability to liase with these people which is why I think telling school is the best thing you can do right now. Good luck

[colormelily]

it sounds as though she is just asking for attention. Most of the cutters I know, I used to also, don't want peopel to know and wouldn't publicize it on websites. so telling her parents or teachers is exactly what she wants. It sounds as though she needs counseling; not for the cutting but for her attention issues. try and be her friend, maybe that's all she really needs.

[Sam1]

Ezzy, this is a tough one.

First, whatever you do should be determined by a sense of concern, rather than outrage at what she's doing. That's a big diff, b/c responding from a sense of anger/disgust at her inappropriate behavior will most likely provoke the types of things you want to stop.

So, the 'concerned' response is to bring to the adults attention her self destructive behaviors in a very 'matter of fact' way, just bring them all the evidence/data you have. And let them take care of it. You shouldnlt be sleuthing around trying to find it, though....tht's not only not your responsibility, but it's unsettling, too. Rather, if you see or hear anything directly, that's when you should tell someone.

You've clearly figured out that she's very disturbed and in need of some serious, professional help. However, part of that awareness is to realize that individually (and as peers) you're not in a position to achieve that goal, you need adults to do that. Giving those adults the info they need to respond should be your first priority here, they should contact her 'professional' with updated info that you're giving to the adults.

[TheGuy]

My opinion: There isn't much you can do. Try to be generally nice to her. Don't get swallowed into it, anyhow. It sounds like she has problem way over her head. All you can offer a few drops of empathy.

All the cutting and stuff are only symptoms of a deeper problem, which is way beyond your ability to do something about. If the teachers know about it, it's likely that professionals are involved as well.

Being around, trying to listen, some patience and hoping for good is the best you can do. Don't try to stop her, because you can't. All you can contribute, is to make her day slightly less miserable.