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Is it a good idea to make good with my boyfriend's baby's mom? We're not on the greatest terms right now, and Stephen doesn't care beyond paying child support, but I'd really like to know how his little girl's doing and I feel it would just eliminate so much unneeded drama.
Even if we wouldn't hang out in person, just being friends on Facebook/MySpace... so we can communicate and see pictures and stuff.
What do you think? Is it a good idea?
Probably. The last thing the baby needs is to be brought up in a hostile environment. Being on good terms with the mother (IE. No arguments or whatever it is you've had in the past) would be benefical for the child.
A bit disappointed to read that your BF doesn't care though (unless I mis-interpet what you meant). It's his child.
A bit disappointed to read that your BF doesn't care though (unless I mis-interpet what you meant). It's his child.
You interpreted it correctly. I'm disappointed in him, too. But they had it too young. When he wanted to talk about other options with her, she was set on having it, with or without him. Don't get me wrong, he cares about her health, etc. He pays child support. He bought her a stroller and clothes. But he hasn't seen her since the hospital (8 months ago) when she was born. I'd really like to see her, since she's like my "step child" in a sense.
EDIT: He doesn't "like" children. By "like", I mean he doesn't really know how to care for them, show them affection. He still acts like a young adult, which he is. He didn't want the baby, he wanted to do adoption. And in his mind (since he's so stubborn), his logic says "I can't care for something I never wanted." as harsh as it sounds.
He's not a deadbeat. He's just stubborn and doesn't know what to do with the situation.
You interpreted it correctly. I'm disappointed in him, too. But they had it too young. When he wanted to talk about other options with her, she was set on having it, with or without him. Don't get me wrong, he cares about her health, etc. He pays child support. He bought her a stroller and clothes. But he hasn't seen her since the hospital (8 months ago) when she was born. I'd really like to see her, since she's like my "step child" in a sense.
Hmm, well, I'm sure you've discussed it with him before, but it may be worth bringing the topic up again eventually.
In all fairness, it's a delicate situation and one I'm not all to familar with. Being on good terms with the mother, like I said, might be beneficial, but I think the may issue here is getting the father involved more.
That said, I think I should just shut up. It's not the advice you wanted and I don't wish to piss you off.
EDIT:
I didn't make any assumption in regards to your BF's reasons, and I didn't think of him any less because of them. Now that you've given his reasons, I can see where he's coming from, but at the end of the day he is the father and the child is his responsiblity as much as the mothers.
I agree with you completely, Kirk. But I tend to avoid the situation because he doesn't like when people try to "navigate his life" (when all I'm trying to do is point him in the right direction) so it starts arguments, which I'm trying to avoid right now. lol
Maybe you should try the classic, 'For her (baby's) sake,' thing. He doesn't really have to like the mother, but should tolerate visits etc. for the baby's sake.
I don't know how i missed this one, Amber! Never a dull moment, huh?
The answer to your question, IMHO, is that, no, you shouldn't have contact with this girl (or her baby).
If he doesn't have contact with her (or the child), then you shouldn't either. Regardless of your thoughts on his decision here, as his partner you have to respect his wishes, and you having a separate relationship unnecessarily complicates what we know is an already very complicated relationship btw'n you and Stephen....as his partner you'd be having a relationship with people who were intimately involved with him who he does not want to acknowledge. Your doing so (and living with him) brings them into his life (thru yours) in a way that has to complicate matters.
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Is it a good idea?
