[Amyy.]

I've made two posts before about my relationship.. after all of your help (especially sam - thank you!) things did get better.. for a while now I don't think things are going well. We've started spending less and less time with each other it's hard enough already being in a long distance relationship, I've been giving him space like Sam said and not been too clingy. But now it's like we talk maybe an hour a day opposed to 10hours a day like we used to. Now it's got to the point where we promise each other we'll talk an hour a day which we never used to because it was just automatic now it's hard work.

Joe's recently been meeting up with a work friend called Kelly.. I did feel a bit uncomfortable but everyone feels like that at some point right? Well I think I felt more jealous because I trust him with my life pretty much, if I didn't trust him then we wouldn't be in a relationship. We're still very much in love but how do I make him realise how I feel without making him angry?

Thanks.

[Arcanum]

Hey Amy. Haven't seen you on Teen Forumz for a while. (You probably don't remember me )

Every relationship has a spark and passion phase, that's when you can't stop thinking and talking to your partner. But that phase does not last forever, soon you start talking less and less. But that does not mean you're less in love than you were before.

What you seem to be doing however, is something you should never do. You seem to make Joe the center of your world, which you shouldn't. It's like having a chair with just one leg, it's highly unstable. You say you feel like it's hard work to speak for an hour straight every day, maybe it's because you don't need to speak an hour straight.

What you feel is the longing of having him by your side, because it's a long distance relationship. Speaking to him can ease it a bit, but it won't solve it.
Try distracting your mind with other things. Hangout with friends, get hobbies, etc etc. If you rely only on him for your hapiness, you'll throw your hapiness away.
Maybe you'll even have many topics to chat with him after you get some hobbies and hangout with friends

[Individuality]

Hey amy,

The key to a relationship is communication!

you need to tell joe how you feel about him meeting up with this kelly, he may not be happy about it but you need to tell him the truth, if joe understand how you are feeling maybe he shall put your mind at rest and say him and kelly are just friends, i am sure there is nothing to worry about and your jealously is getting the better of you, but jealously is not healthy in a relationship so try to relax and trust your boyfriend

[Caer]

Originally Posted by Angel PT

Hey Amy. Haven't seen you on Teen Forumz for a while. (You probably don't remember me )

Every relationship has a spark and passion phase, that's when you can't stop thinking and talking to your person. But that phase does not last forever, soon you start talking less and less. But that does not mean you're less in love than you were before.

What you seem to be doing however, is something you should never do. You seem to make Joe the center of your world, which you shouldn't. It's like having a chair with just one leg, it's highly unstable. You say you feel like it's hard work to speak for an hour straight every day, maybe it's because you don't need to speak an hour straight.

What you feel is the longing of having him by your side, because it's a long distance relationship. Speaking to him can ease it a bit, but it won't solve it.
Try distracting your mind with other things. Hangout with friends, get hobbies, etc etc. If you rely only on him for your hapiness, you'll throw your hapiness away.
Maybe you'll even have many topics to chat with him after you get some hobbies and hangout with friends

Well said.
I'm very happily married and I couldn't agree more with all of this. The butterflies and the "spark" and passion does not last forever, even in great marriages. There are things you can do to add spark to your relationship, but they are only temporary "fixes".

[Sam1]

Hi Amy!

Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate them!

OK, First, I have to say that one hour a day on the phone is still a lot of time! Your frame of reference of '10 hrs./day', even if that's an exaggeration....isn't realistic, nor frankly, healthy. People in loving relationships also have boundaries, they can function w/o needing that level of intensity with their person.

Second, since we've identified that one hr on the phone is Ok and still represents a reaffirmation of the attachment, what you might want to also recognize is that your anxiety here is more likely the product of your dependency on him, you "Trust him with your life"... and with that dependency comes anxiety. But, that likely comes from you, not him.

What to do? First, manage your own anxiety yourself. Do a reality check based on your actual experiences with him, how he treats you, what he says to you, etc. If there is something very specific he's doing (Like hanging out with Kelly, who I assume is a girl), then tell him in a very non accusatory way that you're unsure what that means, and let him explain.

Looking for reassurance is OK as long as it's not accusatory and based more on the stuff he's doing, rather than the stuff you're bringing into it.