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(If I put this in the wrong section, feel free to move it. Thanks)
Okay, so about a week ago my best friend broke up with her boyfriend. She couldn't take all the fighting, and she has a problem with her side, so the stress what affecting it. Anyways, her ex started out by calling her a lot, texting, and IMing her a bunch. She ended up turning her phone off and logging off of Facebook because it got too much. He's left her a voicemail crying, and keeps saying "I love you".
He's been writing notes to her all week long. He's gone up to her and talk to her about her calling him, and that he loves her. He refuses to leave her alone. My friend has been doing her best to get over him, and she's successfully done it (they went out for a while, since October or September of last year, with a 1-2 month break inbetween).
She's moved on and is happy now. I can understand if her ex is heartbroken, but all of this is a little much. It went too far today at school. He knows her locker combination apparently, and got into her locker when she wasn't around. My friend has a white board in her locker and it had something from another friend written on there, something like: "Your best friend loves you!" Or something along those lines. He erased that message, and wrote: "I love you ~ (His name)"
Her and another friend of ours has decided to switch lockers, so that her ex won't be able to get into her locker anymore. I've gotten sick with his attitude of late. I'm a little scared to actually say anything to him though, because he's threatened to cut. My friends and I say that he's acting a bit stalkerish, but could we just be blowing things out of proportion?
I don't think that you're over reacting no; it's over between them and he's obviously taken the break up badly and I can understand that he's upset but his behaviour is stalking and nothing other than obsessive.
I'm not really sure how helpful I can be here because I've never had to deal with this sort of thing myself, nor do I know anybody that has. However, a few suggestions:
Make sure that she doesnt give him any attention whatsoever. No smile in the corridor, no hello, nothing. He's obviously looking for any sign at all that they could get back together. Don't respond to any of his notes, letters, or messages. Block him on fb etc.
If it really gets too bad I'd consider telling a teacher or adult or something because it does have to stop. He can't go breaking into her locker.
I don't think that you're over reacting no; it's over between them and he's obviously taken the break up badly and I can understand that he's upset but his behaviour is stalking and nothing other than obsessive.
I'm not really sure how helpful I can be here because I've never had to deal with this sort of thing myself, nor do I know anybody that has. However, a few suggestions:
Make sure that she doesnt give him any attention whatsoever. No smile in the corridor, no hello, nothing. He's obviously looking for any sign at all that they could get back together. Don't respond to any of his notes, letters, or messages. Block him on fb etc.
If it really gets too bad I'd consider telling a teacher or adult or something because it does have to stop. He can't go breaking into her locker.
I hope she manages to get it sorted
I've hinted that she ought to not reply, talk, or doing anything like that, but I guess I need to make it more clearer. I don't think she's actually gone through anything like these either, so it's hard to decide what to do.
He's very religious, so he always says stuff like: "God showed me this and that in a dream." While it's great that he is religious, sometimes I think he uses it as an excuse. People my age take relationships waaaaaaaaaaaay to seriously....in my opinion.
I've hinted that she ought to not reply, talk, or doing anything like that, but I guess I need to make it more clearer. I don't think she's actually gone through anything like these either, so it's hard to decide what to do.
He's very religious, so he always says stuff like: "God showed me this and that in a dream." While it's great that he is religious, sometimes I think he uses it as an excuse. People my age take relationships waaaaaaaaaaaay to seriously....in my opinion.
Yeah it's worth telling your friend straight you think she should completely ignore him; at the very least until he's gotten over her.
I sounds very much to me like attention seeking from him, doing anything he can to get her back sort of thing. They're only 15, you are right, he is taking it much too seriously. I'm sure he was hurt by the break up but its not an excuse for the way he's been acting.
In regards to him threatening to cut which I missed to begin with in your first post sorry; that isn't a reason for her to get back together with him. A relationship which she's blackmailed into is certain to fail. Are you friends with the guy as well?
Yeah it's worth telling your friend straight you think she should completely ignore him; at the very least until he's gotten over her.
I sounds very much to me like attention seeking from him, doing anything he can to get her back sort of thing. They're only 15, you are right, he is taking it much too seriously. I'm sure he was hurt by the break up but its not an excuse for the way he's been acting.
In regards to him threatening to cut which I missed to begin with in your first post sorry; that isn't a reason for her to get back together with him. A relationship which she's blackmailed into is certain to fail. Are you friends with the guy as well?
Yes, I am friends with him, but not particularly close. I've known him just a little bit before him and my best friend first started going out, but, like I said, I'm not particularly close with him. Today I was texting him, and he went: "I love you" I wasn't sure how to react, because I'm not sure in what way he means it, so I just went: "Oh, thanks."
My friend has no intention on going back with him. When she was with him, she always had an attitude and snapped at everyone. Now that she's single (or, actually, not with him) she's more care-free and fun to be around.
I don't think this qualifies as stalking. I think there needs to be an element of anonymity for that, the stalker and the victim might know each other, but the victim isn't aware of that.
However, your friend has a right to feel put upon here. His behavior is unwanted and uninvited, they no longer have a relationship.
I don't think 'Ignoring' him is the solution, though. That's part of what's causing the problem, so you don't want to exacerbate it by doing more of it. Rather, what she might do is try to have one last contact with him..maybe with you there... and very kindly..but plainly.. explain that the relationship is over, that it was nice while it lasted, that there are no hard feelings, etc....and she needs him to manage all this without involving her.
The idea is to give him a bit of attention to try to provide a better wrap up, and in that, also let him know what the expectations are. Sometimes, people who are just so emotionally over wrought and hung over need that, it's a bit more closure for them.
iw as goign to suggest she give him some sort of closure. to make it all more clear to him that the relationship is over and it would be best for him to move on. however if she does this and the locker notes and constant calls and things like that continue i would talk to someone about it. sounds childish i know but i have actually been threw this and i ended up sitting him down explainging to himt hat i no longer had feelings for him and that he needed to stop. if he didnt farther action would be taken. and i know it sounds mean but sometimes thats what you have to do. with relationships expecially at a young age people need to learn that things like taht are not acceptable and that he needs to stop.
i dont know if id call it stalking but more of a.... plead the only way he knows how.
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~If you want to fly, you have to give up the stuff that weighs you down♥~
His behaviour really does seem excessive and annoying, perhaps even a little stalkerish. Ignoring him, and him then cutting would only heighten the problem, so I think if your friend just spoke to him again and explained that she doesn't want to have anything to do with him and that she needs her own space might make him realise that his incessive following is a bit weird and that she'll only dislike him even more for it.
It sounds like this guy has breached your friends privacy by invading her personal locker. This must be reported to your teachers.
A lot of people struggle to come to terms with a break up, and struggle even more when they see their ex with someone new! Time is a great healer and your friend, during this recovery time, must not give false hope to her ex, leading him on at all. She has done the right thing to turn off her phone, she can easily remove him as a friend on facebook.
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Would This Be Considered Stalking?
