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I didn't mean to call you a jerk or make you seem like one, I was just simply saying if she gets embarrassed for doing the right thing it's her own fault because she did stuff with this man romantically. Sorry Doniv, Ive still been feeling a little funny.
From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.
Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3
I know you didn't mean to. But there are a lot of complications when it comes to the actual matter.
I was just putting stuff out there. I did think about that "stuff". There are always intricate details which we don't factor in, because we don't know all the details, we can never know all the details.
In this case, I'm just providing a general opinion, because I can't say " Do this, do that". Complications.
@David and Danny: Yeah - a few times but he said that he wasn't with anyone else. It's sort of a crazy story - I was stupid enough to believe that a guy his age would be single, but then later he actually told me he wasn't - that's when I learned about his wife and kids and that's when I wanted to end it.
@Kate, Doniv, and David: I told him that he should tell her (I told him this over the phone) and he just got angry and hung up on me. Should I just send like and anonymous email to her - because he's not going to tell her, I already know that now? I have pictures (I can blur my face out or something), but that feels like blackmail. I just don't want him to hurt her anymore - I couldn't careless if he tries to hurt me, she doesn't deserve that.
@David and Danny: Yeah - a few times but he said that he wasn't with anyone else. It's sort of a crazy story - I was stupid enough to believe that a guy his age would be single, but then later he actually told me he wasn't - that's when I learned about his wife and kids and that's when I wanted to end it.
Well, I'm glad you ended it after you found out about his wife and kids.
Quote:
@Kate, Doniv, and David: I told him that he should tell her (I told him this over the phone) and he just got angry and hung up on me. Should I just send like and anonymous email to her - because he's not going to tell her, I already know that now? I have pictures (I can blur my face out or something), but that feels like blackmail. I just don't want him to hurt her anymore - I couldn't careless if he tries to hurt me, she doesn't deserve that.
If you feel you should tell his wife, then tell her. It would only be blackmail if you are threatening him with the pictures. I don't think you're doing that. But yeah, the pictures would certainly be damning.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
- Washington Irving
I was really, really hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. I cannot stress how much I felt that. In that case, as much as it may hurt the wife, she needs to know.
You don't have to blur out your face, in fact, I think you need to write a letter or e-mail her personally apologizing and also telling her that you understand how wrong it was of you and you stopped it, in spite of him not doing the same. Sure, she'll be angry with you, but she'll appreciate and respect you for telling her the truth, and owning up. Just be prepared for a bad aftermath as well.
I really do admire you stepping up and taking control and doing what he wont. Which is sad since he's so much older... but dispite your age you're doing the right thing, and I do believe she deserves to know, so props for telling her But yeah, picture would be good i think so if he tries to lie, ohhh, wait there's back up. ya know? also as Doniv said, personal letter will help.
From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.
Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3
I was really, really hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. I cannot stress how much I felt that. In that case, as much as it may hurt the wife, she needs to know.
You don't have to blur out your face, in fact, I think you need to write a letter or e-mail her personally apologizing and also telling her that you understand how wrong it was of you and you stopped it, in spite of him not doing the same. Sure, she'll be angry with you, but she'll appreciate and respect you for telling her the truth, and owning up. Just be prepared for a bad aftermath as well.
I agree with what Doniv has said here.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
- Washington Irving
I sent the email that explained everything that happened and the pictures and I'm really/not really surprised about what she said. I'm definitely shocked because she - although she had absolutely no reason to - apologized to me (an apology that I definitely don't deserve) and she said that she wasn't angry with me (I stressed that my role was as big, if not bigger, than his in this situation) and she - this is the reason why I'm sort of not shocked - said that he did it before, just not with one of his students. It doesnt shock me that he's did this before to her but I still think (although it's not my position to say because I was on the other side) that I dont think I would be able to tolerate that, especially a second time - just like I couldnt when I found out he had a family. She said that she was going to "talk to him" (that's how she put it in the message) and she said that she was glad that I was brave enough to tell her - apparently the last person that he was with was a "deliberate" other girl - she knew he was married with kids and continued the relationship. Part of me doesnt know how to take this - like I feel that she should be angry at me - although after I found out about her and their little kids, I still was afraid to end the relationship (out of selfish reasons - I was scared), but the other part of me is happy that she knows but yet sick that this is the second time its happened to her.
You've done everything right, there's no need to feel guilty. You, first of all didn't even know he was married with kids, so that really isn't your fault, and when you found out it was stopped. And then, you were the bigger person and went to her and told her when he wouldn't when many, many people wouldn't have gone and told her. So now, she knows that it happened again and they can work on it, or break up and better their lives, and she can be happy and go on showing her children how to be strong in one of the hardest of times, a divorce if need be. You really did everything you could to do the right thing, and it's worked out for everyone. Her not being mad shows she probably suspected it, and she has no reason to be mad at you really because you didn't know he was taken. So all in all, i think it worked out well.
From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.
Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3
I sent the email that explained everything that happened and the pictures and I'm really/not really surprised about what she said. I'm definitely shocked because she - although she had absolutely no reason to - apologized to me (an apology that I definitely don't deserve) and she said that she wasn't angry with me (I stressed that my role was as big, if not bigger, than his in this situation) and she - this is the reason why I'm sort of not shocked - said that he did it before, just not with one of his students. It doesnt shock me that he's did this before to her but I still think (although it's not my position to say because I was on the other side) that I dont think I would be able to tolerate that, especially a second time - just like I couldnt when I found out he had a family. She said that she was going to "talk to him" (that's how she put it in the message) and she said that she was glad that I was brave enough to tell her - apparently the last person that he was with was a "deliberate" other girl - she knew he was married with kids and continued the relationship. Part of me doesnt know how to take this - like I feel that she should be angry at me - although after I found out about her and their little kids, I still was afraid to end the relationship (out of selfish reasons - I was scared), but the other part of me is happy that she knows but yet sick that this is the second time its happened to her.
Charlene, I'm glad that this ended up being the reaction. I've re-evaluated my previous advice and while I don't think I was entirely wrong - you've shown me that there was room for improvement - but even a reminder that we can only speculate the reactions of others, we'll never actually know it beforehand.
This woman seems to have quite a bit of strength and unfortunately she bears the terrible burden of having been through this situation before. That you came to her on your own terms shows character and it probably helped a lot in this situation.
I'm glad you went to her and who knows, maybe something good can come from it.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
- Washington Irving
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Re: I dont know what to do. I need help.
