[chacha]

Okay so i'm new to this but I feel like I could do with some advice from people who don't know me already.

I feel like I've completely lost myself, I don't know why or how but I hate it. I've always cared about people a hell of a lot, my brother is disabled and so I have a lot of empathy with people but recently this has just got me into trouble time and time again. I get lonely so much and because I've never been in a relationship I've convinced myself that that's exactly what I need - although I know thats a load of rubbish.
My family is really big, Mum suffers badly from depression, as did I a few years back so I don't like to burden her with it. As well, my brother can be really difficult and it puts stress on everyone. I think that might contribute to why i feel so desperate to be loved. (gah i haven't written this down yet or acknowledged it, its only now hit home how much its upset me!)
Time and time again I've just been used by guys because in some ways just to feel wanted even for half an hour is better than feeling nothing? I don't know if anyone else agrees? Although it makes me feel worse afterwards. I used to be really proud of who I was, I was friendly to everyone. However now, I just see myself as a whore and the more I beat myself up about it, the more I'm just on the road to destruction.
I really fell for a lot of lies one guy swung me recently and I stupidly began to think he might be interested in me more than just for my body. Turns out he lied about everything and it hurt me so much, how could I be so stupid to fall for it?
I feel like I'm a horrible person, I drink more than I should on a night out, I don't trust ANYBODY and worst of all, I've begun to really hate myself again.

Really don't know what to do. I'm going to Central America for the summer to work in an orphanage and so I hope that I can find myself again whilst seeing other people so much more unfortunate than me. I hate that I have everything yet I'm still not happy.

Please throw some advice my way if you have the time, I really feel like I need a guardian angel right about now!

[Apple]

Life is full of surprises and twists in the road of love. You do not know what is expecting. It is normal to feel that way at times. But, you shouldn't call yourself a "whore" or look at yourself as one because you seem as if you're not.

Everyone wants to be loved, trust me. Some people may not act like it, but truly - everyone wants to be loved and cared for.

You shouldn't hate yourself for the problems you're going through, most teenagers go through a period of time where as if they cannot deal with problems, they hate themselves and go through depression.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother, and wish the best for your family as well. Perhaps you can go see a family counselor or therapist that may assist you in trying to cope with things?

About your dating problem - maybe you're not ready. You did not specify your age so I'm gonna guess at least 16 since you're going to get a summer job in Central America. You have plenty of time to find a guy.

And trust me, everyone falls through tricks and loops of a human being because they're so into them and it's only human nature to make mistakes.

"Never regret a day in your life, you don't know what's coming."

Why dread over it if it's all done and over with? You grow stronger as you deal and encounter these problems.

[Ephemeral]

Originally Posted by chacha

Okay so i'm new to this but I feel like I could do with some advice from people who don't know me already.

I feel like I've completely lost myself, I don't know why or how but I hate it. I've always cared about people a hell of a lot, my brother is disabled and so I have a lot of empathy with people but recently this has just got me into trouble time and time again. I get lonely so much and because I've never been in a relationship I've convinced myself that that's exactly what I need - although I know thats a load of rubbish.
My family is really big, Mum suffers badly from depression, as did I a few years back so I don't like to burden her with it. As well, my brother can be really difficult and it puts stress on everyone. I think that might contribute to why i feel so desperate to be loved. (gah i haven't written this down yet or acknowledged it, its only now hit home how much its upset me!)
Time and time again I've just been used by guys because in some ways just to feel wanted even for half an hour is better than feeling nothing? I don't know if anyone else agrees? Although it makes me feel worse afterwards. I used to be really proud of who I was, I was friendly to everyone. However now, I just see myself as a whore and the more I beat myself up about it, the more I'm just on the road to destruction.
I really fell for a lot of lies one guy swung me recently and I stupidly began to think he might be interested in me more than just for my body. Turns out he lied about everything and it hurt me so much, how could I be so stupid to fall for it?
I feel like I'm a horrible person, I drink more than I should on a night out, I don't trust ANYBODY and worst of all, I've begun to really hate myself again.

Really don't know what to do. I'm going to Central America for the summer to work in an orphanage and so I hope that I can find myself again whilst seeing other people so much more unfortunate than me. I hate that I have everything yet I'm still not happy.

Please throw some advice my way if you have the time, I really feel like I need a guardian angel right about now!

Don't hate yourself. There's no reason for that. You're a human and your life does have value no matter what you think. There's no need to call yourself a whore either. If you didn't like what you did, then learn from that mistake and try to change for the future.

It does sound like you're desperate for love. That's not a bad thing. Every human needs some of it. And don't worry about it. There are people out there that will love you for who you are rather than for your body or otherwise. There are always people out there willing to help you. You're not alone either. Don't settle for just being wanted for 30 minutes. You deserve better than that.

Trust issues are hard things to get over. I've had them myself. It starts with finding someone That you can trust. That takes time perhaps. I'm sure you'll find someone that you can trust though.

As for losing yourself, I always lose myself. I hardly know who I am sometimes. But with that comes an opportunity to find who you are. And that's a great thing to have. You'll find yourself after a while. Don't worry about it too much. It's just a natural process of discovery that you need to go through. If you need help, there are plenty of people out there that are willing to help you find yourself. Go talk to them.

Just remember there is no reason to hate yourself. Try to embrace who you are or who you think you are.

[FB92]

I can see how you would feel desperate for love-- or anything that resembles it. Being surrounded by people who need more care and attention than you do (your brother and mother) can make others, as well as yourself, forget to take time to give you some TLC.

On a certain level, most teenagers are desperate to be liked, admired, loved, etc. You want someone to cherish and value you, or at least focus on you. It's a very difficult feeling to deal with.

When I was younger, I psyched myself into becoming depressed, even suicidal at times, because my older sister had been that way for a time and had received a fair amount of attention within the family for it. During the worst of it, I would call my boyfriend and make him listen to how I didn't want to live, how I hated my dad, how I hated myself, was so worthless, etc.. It would scare him, and sadden him beyond words. I always felt horrible for pulling him into it and told him multiple times to just break up with me, but he never did. Once I realized that my own problems were self-induced, I was able to pull myself out of it.
The entire time, I hadn't realized that that was the cause. It took me a long time to mature to the point at which I could examine myself so objectively. It's not exactly what you're dealing with, but this example is why I feel I'm able to identify with you on a certain level.

Back to you, I think the idea of going to South America is a good way to go. I can imagine that you would be very appreciated there, and doing good deeds is always a self-esteem booster. I'm American, but right now I'm living in Germany and the differences between the cultures I've grown up with and the ones I live in now are enough to make me stop and think more carefully about my thoughts and actions. Spending time in a foreign country isn't the cure-all for those who feel "lost," but I find it to be refreshing and puts things into perspective very quickly. I think you've made a good choice on that count, and I admire your generosity.

On the issue of trust: You can trust people without being taken advantage of. You need to trust yourself first to set up reasonable and safe boundaries, and to make decisions about your body, your relationships, etc. Second, you need to trust people to respect those boundaries once they know about them. It feels like it takes forever to change even the smallest things, but it feels so good once you do.

I wish you the best.