[Coojo]

Well, this isnt always or forever... But the way i am is completely unhealthy. And i think i am insane or something along those lines. I have thoughts about how absolutely fragile everyone and everything is. How absolutely easy it is to end it all for someone or something. I would and never have hurt someone or something without justification by any standard. (Excluding my immature lashing out when i was younger, that is.) But sometimes, i just have the idea in my head that someone who makes life miserable for others whether or not he/she is loved is just better off being... erased? Which i do suppose is hypocritical, but tell that to my brain. As weird as it sounds, i do not wish to think the way i do. I feel like i am comparable to murderers though. That i am... possibly similar? (Not a good thing, for those who do not exactly understand) I don't know exactly how to word it. But that's the best i can do to describe how i feel/am.

Other than that batch of insanity, i also have been having dreams in which i would somehow take power... in some form or another and CRUSH other people's lives. Or Vise-versa. But again, it's not all the time this happens. But it happens enough to have me contemplate who and what i am. It's fairly disturbing to me. When these dreams do happen, i can remember them vividly. It's beyond messed up to me.

I have grown to be somewhat worried about my well being. At the same time, don't get me wrong though. I am not killing small animals or anything. I'm not looking for some type of justification for these... thoughts? I am actually fairly normal looking. I am just... wondering what others think?

AND, there goes any chance of anyone thinking i am normal. Bring on the judgement.

[MontrealRepresent]

I dunno. This sounds like you just want power and you have a supermassive ego. Which isn't bad. Ego is good. I've got a fucking massive ego as well. It's not us bro, it's them.

[Antigone]

If you were really insane, you wouldn't know you were insane.
Unless, of course, you are insane, knew you are insane, and acted on that insanity as though an insane person should. Thus making you sane for realizing your insane and the sane decision for an insane person would be to act insane, right?

Well actually, I'd say you're only insane if you act on it. We've all got our own little demons. I have one, his name is Ray, he's sadistic (he's the 'sado' in my 'sadomasochistic').

No matter what they are, thoughts alone are not evil. Actions are what determine insanity. If you're sane enough to realize you're not totally sane and choose not to act on it, well then you're sane.
If you're sane enough to realize you're not totally sane, and you choose to act on insanity, well then you're insane. You're also much more of a danger.
If you're insane enough to think you're not insane, well they you're the insane one.

Everyone is a little insane. Just a little bit. But some more than others. A little insanity can be good, too much insanity is bad. Being aware you're not totally sane makes you far more sane than most people.

Finally, have you committed any crimes and feel no remorse for them? If yes, then you're insane.

You acknowledge these thoughts are not normal, not healthy. That means you've got a sense of right and wrong. if you have a sense of right and wrong, then you're sane, regardless of what thoughts you may have.


I can already tell you I have thoughts much worse than that. And I can tell you I have harmed others and felt nothing but joy while doing so. Or I just felt nothing.
I have no issues harming others and I never really have (people that is, I used to have a bad habit of going ballistic on anyone who would ever hurt an animal or an insect - I mean like torturing, which is different from putting it out of its misery).

And that's not the half of it. As far as dreams go, I often dream about personally slaughtering anyone who I deem unfit to live, including my own family members. And hell, I get aroused by it. I've always loved violence, even before I was exposed to much of it, I enjoyed getting beaten up too much, I enjoyed beating up others far too much.
Of course, back then, it was more a matter of pride than personal enjoyment.

And personally speaking, I think that is my parents hadn't beat a sense of right and wrong into me as a child, that I wouldn't have any comprehension of it at all. Which is a bad thing, by the way. As a child, I saw so wrong in harming others who harmed me. I excessively defended myself, and I gave back much more than what they dealt to me.
And until the school councilor figured out I had extreme rage issues and lack of empathy to other people, I stayed that way.
Then my mother decided we needed to go to church and I got better. For the most part. At least I actually see how wrong hurting others is now.

My point to all this is that, if you haven't done anything wrong, and you know the difference between right and wrong and never act on said wrong... then, well, you're really no different in that respect to any bum off the street.
Most people have a concept of right and wrong and choose to not act on the wrong. Which is a good thing, I might add.
A lot of people think about doing bad things, but most do not. That's normal, and thank God for it.



TL;DR: Dude, you ain't nuts. No more so than most people. However most people don't go around sharing these sorts of things, even if they do think them. Personally speaking, i find a lot of people have these thoughts, even just in passing.
But we all have thoughts that are wrong sometimes, or most times, a problem only arises when you act on it.

Basically, you're pretty sane and no more insane than anyone else I know.

[Kryptonite]

Yeah mate, you're alright. Like Marionetta said, if you were insane you would think you were sane. See: What a Beautiful Mind. I think you just have dreams of overpowering those that you percieve that are better then you. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just is.

Just don't kill a shitton of people and send in a video with your suicide note to CNN. That would be insane.

[Coojo]

Originally Posted by Marionetta

If you were really insane, you wouldn't know you were insane.
Unless, of course, you are insane, knew you are insane, and acted on that insanity as though an insane person should. Thus making you sane for realizing your insane and the sane decision for an insane person would be to act insane, right?

This required too much thought. But i did figure it out. (And you named your demon, his name is ray? That made me laugh (Also, isnt YOUR name Ray now that i think about it?))

BUT... anyway, i know enough to not act on what i think. Even though i could justify it all with logic that would be considered insane by "NORMAL" standards. I still think i am a little fucked up, but i guess the whole confusing statement from marrionetta did kind of put it into a somewhat new perspective... or something along those lines.

In point. i think im fucked up, not insane. That's gotta count as some type of progress, right...?