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I feel alone. Im a normal person, but I feel totally outside of the average teen population. Im 16, I am obsessed with music beyond comprehension and I dont play videogames or like to socialize too much. I am very shy, so I guess I escape through music. I only have one friend who is even into music like me, but hes not devoted. I literally have no interests at all besides music. I come home, watch a few bootlegs, play guitar for a few hours, catch up on Neil Peart or Keith Richards new book and go to bed. During the day im usually just listening to albums all through school. I dont care about anything else and I feel all alone. I dont come from a musical family at all and my parents are trying to shove college down my throat when I have no desire to go. I am a very good songwriter and in the last 2 months have written 13 songs for a demo with my band. Its like when you hear people say "I knew I could do it..." thats me, but I dont see how. People at my school dont like me. Noone ever talks to me, so im usually very quiet. I cant really socialize with anybody and my friends even get annoyed at me because I love music so much and dont shut up about it. All my friends are like "Skyrim tomorrow!" and my actually response to their shocked disbelief was "What's that?". I mean, its so weird. I feel like such an outsider. Hell as Im writing this, im even listening to a fucking Zeppelin boot. I dont know what to do. I want to be social and everything, but half the time if I was invited to hang out or anything (like that would ever happen) I would rather just stay in my room and play along to some Ramones albums or something else. I love Frank Zappa. I love Slayer. I love Bob Dylan. Music is my all-consuming passion and there is noone I can share it with. I feel out of the loop. I cant talk to people I like because im too shy. I feel judged all the time when Im probably not. I have nothing but music. And I dont know what to do...
Listen:
If you're the greatest songwriter in the world but you don't put yourself and your name out there then you will never sell any records, or get signed by any label. Socializing is an EXTREMELY big part of music. College is a great place to meet people and make connections.
Music is beyond an obsession for me.
You feel like a loner, because you ARE a loner. The only way to change that is to put yourself in some awkward situations. You will meet people, and get comfortable around them, and then it won't be awkward.
I'm just a musical prostitute, my dear.
-Freddie Mercury
No, I know. Im actually more social this year than ever before. Its just weird. Ive never been social and now all of a sudden I have to try to be. Hell I cant even make post on a friend's wall on facebook for fear of scrutiny. But my true friend Mark started this band with me. All we need is a drummer and we can go demo in New York (mom's friends got a studio) and Ive never felt this confident before in my life. But it still feels like nothings changed. No one cares, so its like, why even try to be more social. My mind is probably jacked up from the pop rocks and White Wizzard album from earlier, but this is how I feel. Its like, I want to be and know I need to be more social, but a loner is a loner. I feel unable to contribute anything of worth to social situations so it often seems better for me to avoid them. Music is my love, my passion, my life, my blood. I just feel in a real weird place right now ive never been in.
And you live in florida too! Fuck yeah! No, seriously though, the only thing keeping us from being able to go gig and make a demo is that there is no one that fucking plays drums in panama city. We have literally been looking for more than a year, tried craigslist, newspaper, everything. Life can be quite the troll, eh?
Ha! If I wasnt saving for a half-stack, or a lefty Gibson Flying V (cant decide on the neccessity of each) I would totally fly you up just for the ridiculous possibility that there could be something.
" This is how the days ruled among us; one folk's disaster, is another's benefit. " --- Al-Mutanabbi
Note: - At this period, I only have internet access on my phone, and IM doesn't work on my phone, so when any of you guys send me a message, I can see that I recieved messages on TF IM but I can't read or respond to them.