[Elmo]

I'm sorry, this is long, don't read it if you don't want to.

We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
This is the 7th of the 12-step meetings program. Him being God, and our "shortcomings" being my sins, flaws, and this disease.

My relationship with God hasn't been much of a relationship at all, really. I was born in the United States into a Muslim family. I'm the oldest, and completely Americanized. Islam forbids drinking, and drugs, both I've which I did plenty of, along with other things I'm not proud of. On 9/11/2001, I was 8 or 9, at the Dentist in a large Detroit Hospital. I watched the planes hit the towers. My mom wore at Scarf, not the whole black ninja thing, just the head-piece. My dentist loved her, she speaks English as if it were here first language. An old man, pale in the eyes, thin white hair, a wrinkled face, and this jolly smile on his face that made me not mind going to see him. I still remember what he said to here when the planes hit the towers.

"Go home! Lock your doors! Go home and tell him everything is gonna be ok!" I had never seen a look of complete terror in a man's face before. I didn't know what was going on. I heard arabic-sounding names on the TV. I lived in a mostly-white community at the time. Of course they called me names, made fun of me and my mom, the one person I always leaned on.

We moved, a lot, eventually to a small muslim community. High School: I started abusing drugs; a small group of friends who'd do anything for each other. They all moved away. My closest friend overdosed on Oxy. At his funeral I screamed at him in his casket. His dead body. I told him to come back. When they tried to take me outside I threatened to snap anyone's neck. I was angry, I hated God, I cursed at him for letting people do such horrible things, for letting my friend die. I grew up believing he forgot about humanity, that he didn't care anymore. We were a failed experiment.

I hurt my family so much, I was suicidal. I got suspended from school weekly. I disrespected every elder for being a "conformist." The list of things I regret is endless, and pointless to sit and type here.

I hope you understand why it's hard for me to ask God for anything. Number 7. In rehab they taught me "acceptance." I can't. I can't accept. I want to just disappear.

[Moh.Saeed]

Since I am a Muslim, I think I might be able to help you a bit.
But maybe some of the members here wouldn't want to hear a thing about this. So, you can freely pm me.


Edit : It's not abut Islam or a particular religion in here ( what I meant ) So don't get me all wrong ^^