Basically in like august, I started following this guy on twitter because he was friends with harry styles.. (long story) we started dm'ing like in a completely not serious way just joking flirting, then he added me on facebook, gave me his number etc, we then skyped and it turned in to like an everyday kind of thing. Neither of us are like typical "internet relationship people" he's completely the opposite, he's gorgeous, like he models for ralph lauren, his parents are stock brokers and he's just one of those typically 'perfect popular people' we've video called etc, so I know he definitely is the person in his pictures and I trust him..
So as it went on it was all just talking to each other for fun like there were no feelings or anything but as it progressed I began to miss him when we didnt speak and by november I thought I liked him and Id like jokingly tell him and he'd just laugh and be like "no you don't weirdo" So every so often he'd be like "I think we should stop speaking, it's weird we haven't met" etc and then after about two days he'd come back and be like "I'm so sorry, I miss you" Then the whole of december and January we would text basically all day and have like four hour phone calls every night when we got in from being out and stuff.
About two weeks ago we were in a call and he was like half asleep and was like "I think I'm a little bit in love with you" "you're so perfect" "you've broken my barriers, I never let anybody in" because he's basically one of those guys that never likes girls, is always a cunt to them and just never gets feelings, so I was like huh?! no he doesnt mean it, because I really didn't want to get my hopes up.
Next night he tells me he meant everything and only ever wanted to make me happy. But after he told me all this, it just made me paranoid and weird like I didn't want to ever annoy him because I didn't want him to change his mind. I tried to be perfect and started analysing everything he said which led to me being like "I think I should just leave you alone" he was like huuuuuuh because I only said it so he'd be like nooo :( but yeah he wasn't.. I apologised and was like I didn't mean it and then this is how it went:
me:I only say stuff like "I'll just leave you alone" because I miss when you used to actually want to talk to me and I try so hard not to speak to you because I know that I'm not important to you and I'll just get upset, but I can't not speak to you
him: Hmm dunno anymore. Cant be arsed with this every few days
me:you used to do it to me every week. Okay, fair enough, sorry, I guess that's it
him: I had reasons to. You just go all weird
me
o do I!!! I feel like you every time you lift me and you make me so happy and then you get bored with me and just drop me. Last night I literally all I wanted to do was speak to you, so obviously I was going to be upset when you chose to speak to somebody else instead. (gay I know) I know, but that's only because I get worried and upset, I don't know why either, it's weird
him: You've made all this talking to eachother way too serious. I don't like it
me:I was fine until you said all that stuff over the phone and I stupidly believed you, for once I didn't think you'd said it to 573828383 girls, my badddddddddddddd
him: ok well firstly i don't say it to anyone else. so get that out for your head. secondly all i ever am is nice to you all the time i talk to you sometimes more than i talk to some girls i actually know. i think not speaking to me will be better for you. maybe in the future we can talk again but right now you're being really weird and i don't like it.
me:I'm being 'weird' because I trusted you, I let somebody in for the first time in a long time and when that happens I become self conscious and get upset easily. To me what you said was a big thing and I constantly questioned whether you meant what you said to me or not and it depressed me when I thought you didn't and it shouldn't have because I should not care about you anywhere near as much as I do. Fair enough, if that's what you want, I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise
him: I care about you a lot. And I thought after the numerous times I had told you , you would know I did, but it doesn't seem to go in. I love talking to you but I can't be doing with all this weird shit.
me:I just wanted to be perfect, all I ever wanted to do was try and make you happy and I couldn't, I understand, that's fine, pushing people away is what I do best x
him: You do make me happy. But sometimes u just go weird. Like you're trying to make me dislike u
me: Only because I over analyse everything, it's hard, I want to not care about you so much and I want to stop getting fucking hyped up all the time over stupid things, but I don't want to lose you completely, it's your choice
him: Well I don't want to lose you either
So, he called me that night and it was fine but he seemed kind of different and then got annoyed because I didn't want to do something so hung up and we haven't spoken since. I think I finally need to cut him off at least for a little while because I've become too reliant on him to make me happy. So how do I do it? especially if he's going to keep texting etc? I can't just ignore him :(
sorry it's so long... any advice would be so appreciated x
Today's Toppers
Serious help needed please :(
