[Preenie]

Well, my girlfriend recently told me she's pregnant, but theirs a problem. She was raped when she was 15. She's still 15 now and 5 and half months pregnant. Me and my girlfriend have had an on/off relationship for the past 2 months and she's recently told me she was pregnant, didn't think it was too serious until she said she was raped at a party and ended up becoming pregnant.

Unfortunatly, the guy who raped her (he was like 18/19 at the time) died of a heart attack a week later. Obviously it came as a double bombshell, telling me she was raped AND shes pregnant. She has told me that it's too late for an abortion and that none of her family know yet, only myself and a few close friends.

Her bumps not really showing, but it's still come as a bit of a shock nontheless. Right, so the problem with me is... I don't know what to do. I mean, I love her and everything, but her saying she's pregnant at 15, and the baby isn't mine, as well as her been raped has just messed up the whole thing, in my opinion.

I want to stay with her as long as I possibly can, but just knowing that she is pregnant has put me off staying with her. My friends are telling me to be there for her as long as I can, but when the baby comes on the scene, then it's gonna put me off completly. She's 15 and at school, I'm 17 and at College. It's hard enough for us both now.

We broke up twice before, and ended up getting back together again. On the second time we was together, this is when she told me the whole thing... I wanna stay until the baby comes, then after that I really don't want the relationship to go any further. I know i'll sound like a dick, but as soon as the baby comes, I just wanna get the hell out of there as fast as I can.

She doesn't know about me wanting out, but I've pretty much kept it all locked in and told my closest friend. He's told me to stay with her, until we both gradually fade apart, but I just want out ASAP. Thing is, I'm scared of hurting her, and I don't really want to let her go.

I'm just basically looking for an answer so I know what to do. I've pretty put my foot down on the whole "going as soon as the baby's born", but I know either of us are going to do something stupid when we do split. So yeah, any help/advice/etc, is greatly appreciated.

[Marionetta]

Wow, you're kind of a coward.
If this is the case then you obviously never really loved her.
At least not enough to help her when she needs it the most.

But in all honesty I think she needs someone stronger than you are.
However, she probably feels as though she's alone right now, save for you that is.
Leaving her could result in something bad.

Although, why not talk to her about adoption?

Although, I'm confused. You want to leave just because she's going to have a baby and yet you don't want to hurt her?
Wow, that's rich man, seriously.
If you leave she'll have no one to rely on afterward. That and it'll only tell her that you're a heartless asshole who obviously doesn't care for her enough to stay with her even after having a child.

You know, I had an uncle in the same position once.
Except his girlfriend never knew how she got pregnant, and by that I mean she was drunk and God only knows if it was rape or consented.
Anyway so my uncle finds out, she heartbroken beyond all reason but he stays with her anyway, marries her and just decides to tell everyone the kid is his.
Well that worked for about 20 years until he gets drunk at a wedding and tells everyone.

But because he loved my aunt so much, he also loved my cousin even though he had no biological reason to do so.

Point is, she needs someone right now.
And you're right, she'll probably do something stupid if you leave.

Although I'm rather conflicted on what advice to give you.
On one hand, she needs support but on the other I seriously doubt you could give her an adequate amount.
Also because loving her means for better or worse, lose isn't selfish and that's exactly what you are being.
Conditional love isn't love at all. Is what I'm getting at.

Although, if you want the best course of action I'd say go with your friends advice.
Stay with her and wait until you drift apart. Although, you never know what could happen then.


Also, not that this is relevant much but a heart attack at 18/19 is very unlikely.
Not impossible, but it sounds fishy to me.

you live in the UK, therefore the legal limit is 24 weeks, which is 6 months. You've still got time to convince her to have an abortion. however, I have some serious concerns about this story.

First of all, if you two are having sex, and she was raped, there would be no way you wouldn't notice. Unless you;re a realllllly bad boyfriend. She would be sore, she wouldn't want you to touch her. She would be crying all the time. She would develop other psychological problems.

Before you think I'm being presumptuous, I'm a couple years away from being a certified psychologist. So I'm not talking out my ass here

most commonly she would be angry all the time, she might develop self-harming issues, which stem from a feeling that she deserved it, and that she needs to be punished.

In short, before I start to rant, there is NO WAY you would have missed her behavioural changes after she was raped. unless you did and just failed to mention it.


Also, even the densest, most impossibly oblivious person would have noticed a problem if they didn't have their period for two, three, or god forbid four months. For her Only to realize that she was pregnant after five months is laughable.

Also... sidebar.... who dies of a heart attack at 18? It's a statistical improbability. Almost impossibility. Also, how did she know that he died? Did she know the person?


I am most certainly not calling you a liar, I am saying there are serious gaps in this story that I think both of us need answered, because they could shed some serious light on what is actually going on here.



Here's the problem, people who get raped at parties, the very few times it does happen, are emotional wrecks, no one could possibly miss that something was wrong.

People do not miss being pregnant for 5 months, unless she was still having her period, which is impossible. Or she had some other reason to not suspect it. Was she possibly using an IUD that prevented periods?

Here's the thing, you should stay with her. Here's the other thing, you won't. Here's the last thing, when the baby is born, you should have a paternity test ordered.

I don't think your girlfriend was raped, because you do not sound like a moron. I think, if anything, she was having an affair, and is too afraid to admit it. Either that, or she doesn't want to be with you, so she's springing this on you in an effort to run you off. That last possibility is a little outlandish, but still a possibility. Given your response it seems like it would work.

I think you are leaving a few key points of this story out, or she's leaving them out to you. Be straight with me. After she was raped, were you together? Did you notice anything? What did you notice about her personality? Are you two having sex? Did you notice anything sexually change in the past little while? including before she was raped.

Last of all, yes, you are being selfish, incredibly so. If you love her, then you want to be with her. I understand what a huge responsibility this seems like, but there are vast stores to help people in your situation. In fact, it might be easier to get through college this way. there are multitudinous scholarships aimed at people in your situation. Also, if you piss her off and hurt her by running out she could turn around and sue you for child support. THAT would ruin your life.

Your story is sketchy, missing very key pints that would make it logical, and I worry more for your sake than for hers. Keep your head up.

You know what you need to do. No, I don't mean you need to stay with her for the rest of your life, I mean you need to talk to her.




If you want advice, my advice is to break up with her now, or stay with her. You know which one is selfish, and you know which one will get your further in life. It seems like a pretty easy choice to me. I know you are scared, but there are many many ways you can make this work. You need to figure out if it is your child, if your girlfriend was really raped, how she didn't know she was pregnant until five months, and why she doesn't want to get an abortion, which is legal until 24 weeks in the UK.


Also, you're not looking for an answer, because you know there is no answer to your situation. you are looking for someone to tell you it's okay to leave her. I hope no one gives you what you want. You sound like a good kid, you shouldn't have to deal with this, and I know you are saying that to yourself right now. Why me? But you need to get past that. Denial and questioning lead you to make stupid decisions. This is not the end of your life.

I can tell you, from a kid who grew up without a father, that there is only one real right thing to do here. one answer that will not ruin your life, will not ruin hers, and will not ruin her child's.


Time doesn't wait just because we want it to. the time to grow up comes, and you can either go down fighting, or ride the wave. Good luck, no matter which path you choose.

[DJ Strike]

[SPOILER]

Originally Posted by TheChris

you live in the UK, therefore the legal limit is 24 weeks, which is 6 months. You've still got time to convince her to have an abortion. however, I have some serious concerns about this story.

First of all, if you two are having sex, and she was raped, there would be no way you wouldn't notice. Unless you;re a realllllly bad boyfriend. She would be sore, she wouldn't want you to touch her. She would be crying all the time. She would develop other psychological problems.

Before you think I'm being presumptuous, I'm a couple years away from being a certified psychologist. So I'm not talking out my ass here

most commonly she would be angry all the time, she might develop self-harming issues, which stem from a feeling that she deserved it, and that she needs to be punished.

In short, before I start to rant, there is NO WAY you would have missed her behavioural changes after she was raped. unless you did and just failed to mention it.


Also, even the densest, most impossibly oblivious person would have noticed a problem if they didn't have their period for two, three, or god forbid four months. For her Only to realize that she was pregnant after five months is laughable.

Also... sidebar.... who dies of a heart attack at 18? It's a statistical improbability. Almost impossibility. Also, how did she know that he died? Did she know the person?


I am most certainly not calling you a liar, I am saying there are serious gaps in this story that I think both of us need answered, because they could shed some serious light on what is actually going on here.



Here's the problem, people who get raped at parties, the very few times it does happen, are emotional wrecks, no one could possibly miss that something was wrong.

People do not miss being pregnant for 5 months, unless she was still having her period, which is impossible. Or she had some other reason to not suspect it. Was she possibly using an IUD that prevented periods?

Here's the thing, you should stay with her. Here's the other thing, you won't. Here's the last thing, when the baby is born, you should have a paternity test ordered.

I don't think your girlfriend was raped, because you do not sound like a moron. I think, if anything, she was having an affair, and is too afraid to admit it. Either that, or she doesn't want to be with you, so she's springing this on you in an effort to run you off. That last possibility is a little outlandish, but still a possibility. Given your response it seems like it would work.

I think you are leaving a few key points of this story out, or she's leaving them out to you. Be straight with me. After she was raped, were you together? Did you notice anything? What did you notice about her personality? Are you two having sex? Did you notice anything sexually change in the past little while? including before she was raped.

Last of all, yes, you are being selfish, incredibly so. If you love her, then you want to be with her. I understand what a huge responsibility this seems like, but there are vast stores to help people in your situation. In fact, it might be easier to get through college this way. there are multitudinous scholarships aimed at people in your situation. Also, if you piss her off and hurt her by running out she could turn around and sue you for child support. THAT would ruin your life.

Your story is sketchy, missing very key pints that would make it logical, and I worry more for your sake than for hers. Keep your head up.

You know what you need to do. No, I don't mean you need to stay with her for the rest of your life, I mean you need to talk to her.




If you want advice, my advice is to break up with her now, or stay with her. You know which one is selfish, and you know which one will get your further in life. It seems like a pretty easy choice to me. I know you are scared, but there are many many ways you can make this work. You need to figure out if it is your child, if your girlfriend was really raped, how she didn't know she was pregnant until five months, and why she doesn't want to get an abortion, which is legal until 24 weeks in the UK.


Also, you're not looking for an answer, because you know there is no answer to your situation. you are looking for someone to tell you it's okay to leave her. I hope no one gives you what you want. You sound like a good kid, you shouldn't have to deal with this, and I know you are saying that to yourself right now. Why me? But you need to get past that. Denial and questioning lead you to make stupid decisions. This is not the end of your life.

I can tell you, from a kid who grew up without a father, that there is only one real right thing to do here. one answer that will not ruin your life, will not ruin hers, and will not ruin her child's.


Time doesn't wait just because we want it to. the time to grow up comes, and you can either go down fighting, or ride the wave. Good luck, no matter which path you choose.

[/SPOILER]

O word. I was gonna say somethin like that but you totally beat me to the punch. Shit dude, that is a WALL of text. I agree tho.

So guy with the preg gf, listen to this cat if you want shit to go well. He seems to know what up.

[Rogan]

Hi Preenie, I've been in your exact situation and I know precisely how you're feeling about everything. When I was first told about what happened and that she was pregnant, I was just as shocked. That's totally normal as is feeling as though you'll won't be able to carry on with her.

If you think that you won't be able to stay with her knowing that the baby isn't yours and that every time you look at it you'll see the face of the person that raped her; that won't happen. I thought it would but the first time I saw her face, I fell in love with her and accepted that she was my baby and I was her father. Having a baby is scary for many fathers-to-be but you sound like an honest and decent guy so I'm sure you'll be fine.

If you're worrying about what your family will think when you tell them, don't. Speak to your girlfriend about whether you can tell them what happened (she may not want people knowing she was raped). Just be honest with them and explain that it wasn't planned but it's what she wants. I'm sure they'll embrace it too and want to be involved. I don't know your family situation or what they're like but i imagine they would offer you support when you need it. They'll help you cope if you're worried about not being able to.

If you are going to leave her, I think you should tell her sooner rather than later. Don't go and walk out on her as soon as she gives birth. Talk to her about how you feel and what you want to do. If you're there during her pregnancy, it wil make her expect that you want to be there when the baby is born. She'll be relying on you and if you up sticks and leave, she'll be hurt and scared.

On short, if you want to leave, go now.

@TheChris
I'm not doubting your knowledge for a second, I'm sure you're very smart and do know what you're talking about. I agree, not every detail is there but it doesn't matter. He didn't want to tell us but it's enough to ask for advice.

People don't always realise when they're pregnant. Be it for whatever reason, sometimes the signs aren't obvious at all. No morning sickness, mood swings, cravings and she's not showing a bump either. Someone I know didn't realise until she was 7 months gone. It happens.

Sometimes people know they're attackers. Especially at a party as most people there typically know each other. Also, the police may have caught him and then informed her when he died.

Many girls often hide it when they've been attacked as they don't want to appear to be weak and they are ashamed about. I agree, it's often obvious that something is wrong emotionally but it doesn't mean it will always be noticed if she's particularly good at hiding things.

[malibustacey]

I think the advice you've already got it pretty good To be honest but i will say right now it may seem scary and that ur alone but once you tell your families you'll know that the'll be there too and it wont be just you and her x

[TRUEMicah]

Not trying to sound like the bad guy but mayb u should also think about getting the baby DNA tested. It would b wrong to just leave and the baby was actually yours all the while.. Jus sayin..

[coolsachin2737]

Yes It is right you should stay with her!!
if you love her you will not leave her!
She needs you more than anyone!!
A girl needs someone who she can trust, in desperate times like this!
Be this someone and Save her!!

[Breiries]

then it's gonna put me off completly

That says it all.

She doesn't need a guy like you hanging round. If you aint gonna be there when HER baby comes, then just leave her now, why are you doing this to her? Making her think you are going to be there when the baby comes.

Just another male she can't trust huh?

[sandulf]

unless she was still having her period, which is impossible
there is NO WAY you would have missed her behavioural changes after she was raped
Also... sidebar.... who dies of a heart attack at 18? It's a statistical improbability. Almost impossibility.
first of all havin your period while being pregnant is not impossble and you cant get pergnant while on IUD since it stops your periods, second not everyone displays any outward change after being raped, and thirdly heart attacks at 18 are rare bt not impossible as serious drug or alcohol use could cause them and also so the person could have suffered from a cardaiced infarction (i think thats what its called) which can strike at any age so all in all thechris your argument is seriously flawed and is very subjective for a social scientest so please what every you do dont go into self-help or counsling because yo would be shit at it