[underpants60]

my name is kelly(for this post) and i am 20 years old. i really want to have a baby and i feel i am mature and stable enough to take care of a baby as i am a nanny. there is just one problem though... i am single. My brother has a frend who wants to have sex with me. should i have sex with him to have a baby or i not, what else can i do?

[DeepDistress]

Are you kidding me? no. and that proves your not mature enough. i mean open your eyes, you're trying to sleep with a guy who only wants sex out of you to have a child? do you not realize he would be bound to you and that child for the kid's whole life? do you not think that guy's future wife may have wanted his first born child? what happens when that child is a teenager and wants to know his father if you kept it out of their life? that's not fair to the kid to not know or have a father because you wanted a baby so badly. You have to think of how this will effect the kid, not yourself. As much as we like to think if we love the kid enough or give it a good enough life that it'll feel fine and loved, but it wont. that child will grow up with many other kids who have a both mom and dad and it will kill him, it will make him wonder, it will make him feel unloved by his father etc etc etc. You really need to think about this.

[underpants60]

what happens if i dont ever meet mr right, then i can have no baby. the guy i was thinking about already has 3 children to other women. what can i do instead to still have a child?

[DeepDistress]

Okay that is even worse for the child, you're making that baby a product of a man who sleeps around and does not care about the children he brings into the world.

Do you know how much that would screw up a child and person mentally?

You're twenty years old. Your life has just begun, stop expecting it to be a perfect fairy tale already because that's not how life, or especailly love works. it takes time and has to grow that is what makes it so special, if it came so easily no one would strive or live for it.

[underpants60]

thank you for your advice..... ill be prepared for whatever i have to explain to my child(ren) if they have no father. i was brought up fatherless and it didnt really bother me

[DeepDistress]

so? you're one example. do you know how many kids are messed up because of it?

[underpants60]

alot, but that seems a lil unfair on the womans side if she cant have a baby because theirs no guy in her life. its all about how the child is brought up and the people the child socializes with

[DeepDistress]

No it is not. And it's not unfair because that's how nature is, if you cannot make a baby without a man it's kinda a sign that it should have two people to raise it. otherwise we'd be able to make babies as much as we want/wish on our own. You need to stop just thinking of yourself too.. I mean, even if you do have a child on your own with a guy who already has three kids by different woman?! that's gonna mess up the child so much that's sick. And even if it's unfair, so what? no one said life is fair.

and for anyone on here about to yell at me, i have three reasons for this. 1. she's unsure that means she's not ready. 2. her other thread for someone to talk her out of it, that I am trying to do. 3. I actually care about her unborn future children more then her, yes the child could turn out great but the majority, it messes them up and makes for a really hard life by a unnecessary conscious choice on her part.

[Neverland]

Having a child is permanent. If you're going to do it then do it properly.

It's a normal motherly instinct to want a child someday, heck I'd like children eventually but the point is not to have one just because you want one. It doesn't matter how much love you give to it, as I'm sure you'd be a very caring/loving parent, it would still not have its father. Don't you think that's sad? It's good to have a stable family. I'm not suggesting that single parents are inadequate but compared to a two parents families in terms of stability...?

What about marriage? Don't you want to find a man who loves you and who will love your child just as much as you? Don't you want your child to have two parents who love them?

I hate to be a person who's all telling you what to do but; do not have a baby with that man.
Do you even have his consent? If not, you're screwing his life up. If so and he just wants sex then why are you even conversing with such a person who doesn't even care?

Do you have work? What do your parents say? Do you want to rear a child without a husband? What about if you wish to have many children? Will you find another random guy? Surely you don't want children with different fathers, multiple children who may not even know their fathers. That's going to be dysfunctional and stressful.

How do you think they'd feel? Seeing other kids with their dads and not being able to have it. What if it's a boy? Can't he have a dad to spend time with?

Just because you turned out fine doesn't mean your child will. Would you want your child to do what you're doing? Have sex with a random guy I get knocked up and raise a baby on her own? Really? If so, I don't think you ought to be a parent.

[Singularis]

I agree with the posters above.

The answer is no, don't have a baby until you're in a stable relationship (or married) and have your life settled.