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Teen Pregnancy and Childcare Discuss teen pregnancy, childcare, conceiving, ovulation, fertility charting, and similar topics within this forum.

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  • 1 Post By Izziee

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Old 25-02-12, 02:16 AM   #1
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Default Wanting different things

Ive recently found out that I'm pregnant, about 10 or 11 weeks gone. The father and me have had a pretty turbulent relationship. I love him to pieces and he loves me, we've been off and on for almost two years, I was in a really bad place with my mental health and would push everyone out, I would break up with him and always regretted it, I never meant it, I was just in this terrible place. Since we last broke up, he said he had enough. I don't blame him, I wasn't a very nice person back then. He had a brief relationship with someone else, I got drunk and had a one night stand with someone when I found out, I was devastated. When we started talking again we decided to date unofficially, I think he was worried what people would say. Anyway he freaked out that he was getting in over his head and called it off. Then he dated someomne else, and I waited for him because if there's one thing i believe in its that me and him are meant to be. 3 days later they broke up and me and him started seeing each other again, unofficially. And we still are. We both want to be more but we aren't ready, well he isn't.

So I was terrified of telling him, but knew I had to. He made it clear he wants an abortion. He started crying and said it would ruin his life. I don't want a baby either, I'm 16, but I don't think I could live with myself if I got an abortion. I literally can't do it. But he means so much to me and I don't want him to be unhappy, yeah ultimately its my choice, but I feel powerless. I have no idea what to do, I love him but I can't stop a life from being lived, it should go to school, make friends, get a job, get married and I'd be preventing all that life and happiness from existing. He is firmly against adoption, he's worried it would mess up the kid. How do I make this decision?
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Old 25-02-12, 03:40 AM   #2
 
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Default Re: Wanting different things

Ultimately it is your choice, but as you describe him, he is the love of your life and if you have the baby, it sounds like he wont want to be there to raise it. You have to really think about what this will do, you would have a baby without a father and lose the love of your life, but you will have a baby who you love so much.
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Old 25-02-12, 11:30 AM   #3
 
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Icon27 Re: Wanting different things

Hi, Loopsie. I'm sorry you're being faced with this decision right now, and I'm afraid I'm only giving you more questions to think about.

It's good that you're considering how the father feels as well as the potential child's future. But you should also think about your own future. You are still pretty young to take on the responsibility of raising a baby, especially a baby you might not have help with from the father. Would your parents help you financially and emotionally? Do you want to be a mother now, or maybe someday when you're older? What life goals do you have that having a baby right now might hinder? These questions about your own life are just as important to consider as the questions you've already asked here.
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Old 25-02-12, 12:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: Wanting different things

Hello @loopsie.
First off, have you told your parents? You should at least inform one of them of what has happened, and maybe even share your concern about this matter.

It is indeed a very difficult situation. One that many girls face nowadays.
We can't force you to do an abortion, nor can we force you to keep the baby. You and your partner should find the answer. At least, half of this latter has been answered. The father doesn't wish to see this baby born. But do you ? It's good you are concerned about his opinion as well. Afterall, the baby would be his just as he would be yours.
An abortion is certainly not a nice thing to go through.
I advise you to think about it carefully. You are 16, your parents are barely finished with your education. You have probably years of studying ahead of you. To give a baby a good life, money is needed, a family is needed. Do you think you would have all of this right now? Are you ready to maybe give up on half of your dreams to take care of what grows inside your belly now? It is a huge responsability you and your partner would hold.
Your boyfriend and you seem to have a lot going on. I believe you do love eachother, but all the breaking up stuff, it seems more destructive than it is beneficial. Sometimes, we have to learn how to let go. Sometimes, the hard way.

Search for the answer in the questions above.

And also, I hope you learn from this «accident». Make sure you use correct contraception methods next time you have intercourse.

Whatever your choice is, I wish you the best of luck. Keep us updated. If you need anything else, you can contact me via PM.










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Old 25-02-12, 12:48 PM   #5
 
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Default Re: Wanting different things

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandemonium View Post
And also, I hope you learn from this «accident». Make sure you use correct contraception methods next time you have intercourse.
I'd also advise not getting drunk at parties like that, which I'm sure you realize now. But it's still worth highlighting. It's a tragically common way that girls get pregnant.
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Old 25-02-12, 12:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: Wanting different things

Everyone overlooks the option of adoption. If you tried to raise the baby on your own, it won't have the best life it can have. There's a big demand out there for babies, a long waiting list (at least that was the situation 10 years ago, haven't checked since then, but I can't imagine it would change that much). Begin looking for a couple that wants a baby. It will still take a long time, especially because you want to make sure the baby is going to a good home. Adoption would mess up the kid much less than if you tried to raise it on your own, just make sure it goes to a good family.

All in all though, if you don't want an abortion, don't get an abortion, you don't have to. Do what you want.








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