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Old 10-08-09, 08:58 AM   #1
 
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Confused1 My friend confined in me

My friend confined in me and told me she has been raped by her brother and on more than one occasion. Not to sound harsh but I never knew whether to believe her as every time they were together they would be play fighting and looked like they had a good relationship and also she would be near him all the time laughing and joking and he has a 2 year gf so I am not sure what to think.

The conversation ended as her mum picked her up in the car and I was wondering do you think I should talk to her more or speak to her brother or do I let this go? I see her brother all the time so was going to say something but I held back, I am not sure whether to get involved or stay out of it?
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Old 10-08-09, 09:43 AM   #2
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

Rape is a serious accusation.

I say tell the police. Thing is that even if the brother is found innocent he'll still probably end up on a sex offenders list.

Ask your friend about it again, but mention about how they seem to have a good relationship.
If she keeps insisting then tell her you're going to tell the police.

Now if she denies it then she's probably lying.

I don't know, that seems like the most logical course of action.
Of course, assuming the brother is innocent it will ruin his life either way.









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Old 10-08-09, 09:51 AM   #3
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

I don't know if calling the police is a good idea. Mmm. I have a friend, she also tell me once that she's has been rape by her step brother when she was 13. But she wouldn't do anything about it because she doesn't want to make trouble in her family. Since it is the son of her Mum husband.

I know i'm no help but maybe you should talk with her about it and try to see if it's ruining her life or not.
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Old 10-08-09, 10:07 AM   #4
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

The thing is rape is rape no matter what.
If you don't tell someone who can help then it will just keep happening.









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Old 10-08-09, 11:49 AM   #5
 
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

I wouldn't tell the police yet, I mean whats the point? She'd most likely deny it anyway. Talk to her about it more, try and prize the sort of information out of her which can help you decide whether its a lie or not. (Sounds harsh, but people do lie about this sort of thing).


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Originally Posted by Tayune View Post
Thing is that even if the brother is found innocent he'll still probably end up on a sex offenders list.
I'm baffled as to how this is a good thing. If it was true, its a terrible fault in your system.




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Old 10-08-09, 12:32 PM   #6
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theocracy View Post
I'm baffled as to how this is a good thing. If it was true, its a terrible fault in your system.
It's done when there is no evidence that it happened or it didn't happen.
I don't agree with bunching them altogether, by the way.
Yeah, well, we had idiots think that up. [People who think women are always right and never lie]
It doesn't ALWAYS happen though, it just depends. If it's total He said, She said then it may not happen.
If there is circumstantial evidence then he's probably end up on there but with a lack of conviction notice.
There was one case when a girl made an accusation about her step-brother (she was adopted) and their mother believed her - even though she was recently adopted and had no credibility. So what's the mom do?
Calls the cops.
He was never convicted but it's on his criminal record now. So he's not allowed near schools or public playgrounds.

All because his sister made a false accusation.

It's not a good thing...









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Old 11-08-09, 01:54 AM   #7
 
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

Why would she probably be lying if she denies it? A lot of people care for the consequences of others even if they have hurt them. While sometimes people confide as a cry for help, others simply want to share their feelings without having to worry about consequences. Even if she denied if if police interference were threatened, it wouldn't mean she wasn't raped.

I don't think he'd be found on the sex offenders list if he were innocent. They keep records of accusations and stuff, but you can only be on the list if you're an offender and people found innocent are not called offenders.

Rape doesn't need to keep happening even if you don't tell someone. Telling someone is definitely a prime idea, but it is possible to take steps on your own to stop something. Rapists may be off put by stronger people who go from being placid and not giving consent to actively denying consent insistently and with resistance. So long as they're not a sadist, if you make clear how upset you are by something, it's actually possible to get some empathy and make them feel guilty and stop.

Unfortunately that doesn't work with everybody, that's why one should always tell someone. Even if someone doesn't want to get police involved, you never know if you might want to at a later date and it's good to have a witness about that. Police can still question and be made aware of a potential problem even before someone feels a need to point out the accuser, it probably puts them in a stronger position to prosecute when the time comes.

Spontaneous crimes can certainly be prosecuted, people react strongly because the emotional imprint is very strong and you can see more obviously how troubled a victim is. The problem with ongoing abuse is that people can disconnect from it and not react as visible, the problems associated become more subtle such as depression and stuff.
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Old 11-08-09, 04:37 AM   #8
 
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

I think you need to talk to your friend. It doesn't sound like your getting the full story. I think for now stay away from the police because something is making you distrust what your friend has told you. I think it would be completely unfair if you went and got her brother on the Sex Offenders database and he didn't do anything because then she could just lay it all on you. But as Tayune said rape is still rape and he could be hiding the relationship with his sister very well.

Go talk to your friend and discuss with her about going to the police or her Mum about what's happening. Say it can't continue and you wouldn't be a very good friend if you stood back and let it happen. See how she reacts. If she consents then you know that he is doing it an action needs to be taken immediately. If she says that she made it up or that she doesn't want to do anything like that then most likely she wasn't telling you the truth.

Your in a difficult situation, but you need to go to your friend and sort out the truth. You'll never let it go otherwise. Good luck, I don't envy the position your in.
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Old 11-08-09, 07:20 AM   #9
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

just, talk to her again. i mean really, it's a pretty big lie, but that isn't an uncommon thing to do. lie about things to seek attention, or make others look at you diferently. you need to find the truth, and then see what to do about it. and if you are friendly with her brother(?) then talk to him maybe?

good luck








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Old 01-09-09, 10:51 PM   #10
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Default Re: My friend confined in me

I would say talk to your friend, see if she wants some help, get her by herself if she wants to talk because if she is in that situation she will need someone by her side that cares, and that will listen. If it keeps going on yeah I would talk to her and see if she wants to go to the police or at least go talk to some one and see what they would say because if it keeps going it is serious then something needs to be done because its serious. stick together and you can help her get through it.
hope everything goes good
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have a great day
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