Teen Forums - Teen Chat, Teen Help, Teen Advice & Support

I was five years old and in short, i was seperated from my mom for a period of about six years. I refuse to name names so allow me to refer to the monsters who did this as they and they only for the sole purpose of explaining my story. Anyways they also split me up from my sisters. See i have three sisters, one older sister (five yrs older) and two younger sisters. My two younger sisters were grouped together and split from me and my older sister. Stranded and with no one to rely on but each other, me and my sister grew quite close. Anyhow, when i was six (she was eleven) she would often wake me up and expose me to inapropriate movies and shows. I was six so i didn't really know what to do with myself at the time. Eventually, over a period of two weeks, she started gradually, how to say this, initiated me in sexual activities. Once again i was six years old and didn't know better and within the same month actual sex took place during that time. Eventually it stoped when i said no to what was happening.We returned to our mothers care six years later. I never told my mom about it because, i was scared and didn't know whether i was a victim of the abuse or the cause. I loved my mom more than anything in the world and didn't want to hurt her with such terrible news at the time. I'm sixteen now and since i turned fourteen started to think about what happened back there with more depth than i did before.I feel abused but, at the same time, i feel like i could have stopped it. I feel like i could have said no, no matter how young I was. Oddly enough, you hear plenty of cases on tv were brothers take advantage of their little sister or some shit like that, but you never hear it the other way around. Right now, and tonight in particular, I've decided to get serious about moving forward with my life and coming to terms with my past. I have never actually had the courage to talk to anyone about this. Ever. But i figure, "hey, i'm on the internet, no one knows who i am, this might be good opportunity to let it out." Thats the thought process behind why i'm even telling you guys this.

Putting that aside, i need to know whether i was taken advantage of by my sister or whether i was the cause of the abuse.
In that situation, was my sister the abuser? Did she sexually abuse me?
Or was I just stupid? Did i know better? Should i have called the police? Should i have told my mom?
These are questions i've asked myself many times and i think that, it would be nice to hear you guys opinion on his as well.

Thanks in advance,

M1ck3y

You were sexually abused and what she did was wrong, however, she was young and hurting as well.. So.. It's not like she was hardcore sex offender. Just she was probably very messed up and very confused etc.

I'm very sorry this happened though, that's horrible for the both of you.

From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.

Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3

Heh. I don't even talk to my sister anymore and stopped considering her as one a while back.

And maybe she was. But does that mean that she's just as much a victim as i am?
Does that make it okay?
What the hell do i do with myself now?

Sometimes i think that i've come to hate her.
Other times i think that i hate myself for being so weak.
Either way, what the hell do i do with myself now?
Do i 'forgive' her and act like shit never happened?
You see, i feel like she deserves all she has coming for her, that she deserves somekind of punishment for what she did. But i didn't say anything. My mom would have suffered from cardiac arrest and don't even let me bring up my grandma. Police? Police would have greatly complicated the situation i was in at the time and ruined evrything (it's complicated). Theres no way i can talk to a counseller about this.

What do i do with myself? I really, really don't know what to do about it. She never apologized to me for what she did, guilty or not. She kept on living her life like nothing happened and still does. Everytime I look at her memories come flooding back and i think, what kind of person is this? She never apologized to me, instead, six years ago she went and got herself shacked up by some idiot and brought a baby into the world. She did that a second and thrid time. She can't even live on her own. Everyday I have to wake up and look at my nieces and my nephew and look at my irresponsible sister and think, what kind of life will they have? I swear that she knows that I know what she did back then. And I wish i could move on, but it's hard when the person that did that to you never apologizes to you for what they've done.

Sry for the long answer but that's just how feel..

I think you need to talk to her, I mean it's gonna be awkward and hard yeah but you need to clear things up with her. I think it's stupid to tell your mom because nothing in the past can change, i don't IMO think your sister is TOTALLY a bad person for it, i mean it was sick as hell yes but she was 11 and she was abused in a way by your family getting messed up. So overall, it seems like a messed up situation thats very hard. It's really hard to know what to do in this situation, even I'm not sure.

From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.

Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3

I thought about it a while back actually but i never had the courage. Confronting someone about this stuff requires a whole different kind of courage imo. You look at someone, and you know that person holds the key to the most intimate secret you've ever had in your life and you know that by confronting them, alone, your giving them the ability of destroying your self esteem, your giving them the ability to blame it on you...

It is tough. Especially when i have no one there to back me up and support me. While talking to her maybe the best thing to do, i don't know that i would be able to go in there and talk to her all on my own about this.

do you think you could write her a letter? I mean it's gotta be just as hard for her too as well, i mean knowing she did incest whlie she was young and then now having her own children. I doubt she's a horrible sick person who has done this to other people or her own children, but still that's a very hard thing for someone to swallow.

From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.

Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3

A letter? I guess it somewhat better but whats the point? She lives in our house with us cause she can't afford to take care of her kids on her own. I see her everyday. Writing her a letter would make things ten times more awkward than just talking to her.

well you said you didn't have the courage, it's going to be awkward no matter what. So I thought that way you could at least say what you wanted.

I guess IMO you either have to choose to talk to her or try to forgive and let it go =/
Some would say she deserves to get punished or something but idk.. she was 11.. she was just a kid herself, with a really rough family break up. etc. Just like when you were little she was confused. It's up to you though.

From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.

Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3

I have to forgive and move on huh? I suppose that'll do for now and when i feel comfortable enough with the subject, i'll go ahead and talk to her about it. Hopefully it'll work out.

Thanks again for your advice Distress, I appreciate it.

I mean some would say report her or call the cops but it was so long ago, she was so young, now her kids would probably be taking by CPS for awhile at least. It's just a very messy situation.. I can't say my advice is the right advice because it's really hard to deal with sexual abuse, so if you're seeing a therapist or someone about this? idk. I just think it'd be rough to do to those kids what happened to you guys, when she was just a kid herself when it happened.

And, again you're very welcome.

From joy to sorrow, yesterday to tomorrow, you've been there. Friends like you are rare, your touch is so gentle,
You're my guardian angel.
Like a blossoming flower spreading your wings in grace, filling my heart with power
by feeling your embrace.

Wherever the wind may blow, we will overcome this war, in times happy or sore, I will never let you go.
With a gentle warm heart and a will of stone, We'll never be apart, You'll never be alone. - John <3