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Your Body and Mind Seek advice on different aspects of your body and mind here. Also discuss mental or physical abuse, disabilities, puberty, drugs, and alcohol.

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Old 20-08-15, 06:12 PM   #1
 
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Default Sexual harrassment

Okay, first confession- I'm completely new to this so excuse my essay and any non-coherent emotional babble.
I guess I should start with why I'm doing a thread.
I feel so alone right now and there's nothing that I can do about it. I've reached out to my friends and boyfriend, but they're all dealing with their own thing and can't come see me until Tuesday.
I know this isn't a long period of time, but I miss my friends and feel like I need them now more than ever; at least one of them to be here.
Last night I went over to my friend's house, we're pretty close; we've kissed once and have always told each other shit, all in all, I considered him one of my "true" friends- whatever that means.
But anyways, we decided to drink and catchup last night; I stayed at his due to missing a bus back home and that's where things went to shit.
Basically, whilst I was falling asleep, he tried something,
He felt my boobs under top and ended up starting to finger me.
I woke up half way through to realise what was going on, but stayed acting asleep to see what he would do; if he would stop...
I reinforced I was sleeping noises to show that I was asleep, and after turning on the light to see if I was awake- he stopped.
I pretended I woke up and he said he turned on the light because I made a funny noise, which I knew was 100% bullshit.
I get that people make mistakes, and I think he thought I was awake and just stopped when he realised. I confronted him about it, but he said I should go talk to a therapist and stuff, because he would "never do that."
This has happened to me before- about 2 years ago
At the time I didn't class it as wrong, I thought it was normal for people my age at Uni.
I realise now it was sexual assault, and the fact that I told my friend what had happened... for this to happen... I feel like I'm going insane and may've dreamt it. That's what he was trying to convince me of.
I don't know what I hope to achieve from this, I guess I just need support and people to share this to.
I'm alone in my flat until Tuesday, and I'm breaking down on and off, unsure how to deal.
I feel resentment towards my friends, especially my boyfriend, for leaving me alone. Because I know if it was in reverse I would hop on the next train regardless. Some of them have good reasons eg at festivals, too poor right now, but some of them are partying or have no good reason and say "I wish I could be there."
My boyfriend is one of those people.
He's not seen his family in a while because of uni, and went home 2 days prior to this happening.
He has enough money to get the train up, but doesn't because he wants family time.
It's a fair reason, but I'm literally so alone right now, and he could always go back home a week later? I guess I'm putting more pressure on him, but I guess it's because I want someone who drops everything when it truly matters. And right now, I need him more than ever. I'm starting to resent him, which isn't fair because no-one is perfect and it is a lot of hassle. But being alone with my thoughts for 4 days is not helping; I feel vulnerable, alone, stupid, and unsure about what is true and what isn't.
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Old 21-08-15, 03:51 AM   #2
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Default Re: Sexual harrassment

It's unfortunate but what happened simply isn't just one of those things that happen at Uni like you said and unfortunately you didn't stop him at the time to deal with this.

Someone should be there for you right now, it's a shame that nobody isn't. Have you told your boyfriend what happened or have you just told him that you need to speak to him about something?

I mean, if you told him or your friends that happened I'm sure if they're even slightly concerned they'd come to check if you're alright. If you've only told them you need someone to speak to that might not register as high a concern as you realise it actually is.

What's best in this scenario is to report it to the authorities that he's basically tried to do this to you and then made up the fact that it didn't happen.









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Old 21-08-15, 06:18 AM   #3
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Default Re: Sexual harrassment

As Tom said, If you haven't told your friends exactly what happened then they are probably just thinking you're feeling sorry for yourself because you're alone.
Definitely go to the police and report it as it is sexual assault and he knows it was. He is just doing what most people who do this kind of act do... make out you're crazy, but in fact you're not. So report it asap.
Also make sure you tell someone, so that someone is there for you.









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Old 13-02-17, 11:27 AM   #4
 
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Default Re: Sexual harrassment

Well, at the moment you must've felt awkward. It's bad that there's no one to take care of you, be there for you, unless your boyfriend still spends time with you. The most important thing is to break the relationship with that bastard. Yo, girl, yo don't deserve no asshole like him.




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Old 02-10-17, 08:03 AM   #5
 
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Default Re: Sexual harrassment

Bee, you don't say how old you are, but one thing is for sure: your body is yours and no one has a right to touch it without your consent. if anyone -- boyfriend or not -- is touching you or forcing you without permission, then that is definitely assault.

you might begin with the police, but unfortunately, there is probably not much that they can do unless you actually show bruises or scars or you want to formally charge him with rape. however, since you say you are in university, please please do not hesitate to visit a counsellor. there are both guidance counsellors and sexual counsellors at your university. reach out and find one with whom you can be comfortable and let him or her guide you through your feelings and tell you how to handle your friends.

you also sound as if you are away from home and you need comfort counselling. please do not hesitate to share those feelings with your counsellor, too; they are trained to help people who feel alone, depressed or confused.

and please re-post to let us know what is happening with you. we care (Sam)
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